Out Of Reach
by FansofCenaton
Summary: You are in love with your best friend, you tell him hell breaks loose. Find out what happens in this Drama i like ot call! #centon Slash
1. Chapter 1

I sighed loudly as I adjusted my bag on my shoulder. We were getting off the plane. It was too early in the morning to even begin to think straight. We were at the start of another tour around the country. Which meant there was a bus awaiting us outside. I hated going on the bus. The bus meant being so close to him for too long a period of time. A man can only take so much torture before cracking or breaking down, which ever came first.

I mean, I know it's not right. I tried ignoring it. Brushing it off as simply spending way too much time together. But the problem was I was worse off when he wasn't around. He's all I dream about, he's all I think about. I just can't get him off my mind and it's driving me insane.

"Hey," he called out catching up to me.

My pulse immediately quickened. My breathing labored. "Hey," I answered back as evenly as I could.

He smiled. Even those teeth are fucking sexy. It's gone too far when even his smile gives you a hard on. Makes you picture yourself ripping off his clothes and fucking him right then and there. I tried to swallow, but my mouth was suddenly dry.

"Need any help?" He asked pointing to me. I froze and followed the direction of his finger. Please tell me he didn't see the tent that's now my pants.

Oh. Help. As in my bags. My guess is he probably had his on the bus already.

It was as though I was gathering my thoughts to make a damn speech, I just couldn't form coherent words around him. "I got it, thanks."

He shrugged and smiled once more, sending my heart into overdrive before he jogged up the stairs, into the bus. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. This was silly. I could so handle this. I raked a shaking hand through my hair before I stepped into the bus. Here goes nothing.


	2. The Beginning

HEY YALL! didn't post this on the first chapter... But I hope you guys like thiso ne... It has been taking me months to write... HOPE YALL ENJOY! it's compelete so i'm gonig slowly with this one... ENJOY!

I cautiously looked both ways before walking down the isle of the bus. I couldn't handle being in such a tight spot with him. If I just got to my bed, I'd be safe. Damn…why'd I have to bring him and a bed up at the same time? I inwardly groaned at the mental image that played in my head, but quickly shook my head of it. NOT good. Not before a 4-hour ride anyway.

"John?" Damn. I closed my eyes, and tried not to look at him. Those blue eyes make me melt.

"Hmm?" I answered, trying to move past him, but it was quite hard without brushing past him. I bit my lip so I wouldn't make a sound from the friction my movements caused. God, how much I wanted him. I managed to get to my bunk and landed face first on the bed trying to hide what he had done to me from just a smile.

"So, we've got a long time on this bus…" I nodded. Too long. "What do you wanna do?"

We? I couldn't seem to catch my breath. Come on, breathe Cena. It's easy. "I'm so tired, I think I'm gonna crash," I heard myself say.

"You sure?" I nodded again, my face landing back in my pillow. "You okay?" I nodded in the pillow. Made a thumbs-up sign for emphasis.

I sighed in relief when he was at a safe distance away. I closed my eyes. Why is this happening? I don't even remember when it started. You'd think being together so much has got me sick of him, or at least be repulsed by him, but God…it's completely the opposite. Everything he does is so erotic. If he wasn't so passionate about everything my thoughts would be easier to control, but Goddamnit he's couldn't be any more.

Why does he just have to look so stunning sitting there, right across from me? God he's just beautiful, and he doesn't even know it. Which makes him even sexier. His hair is wet and messy, 'cause he just got out of the shower, his wife beater just accents his body. The pants? God, they're the best part. Aside from the tattoos that are just asking me to discover ever detail about them.

I bit my lip to catch a moan that wanted to escape my throat, and I closed my eyes again. I can picture him perfectly in my mind too. His got that concentration face on, which by the way; means no one can snap him out of it. He's probably drawing another one of his drawings. He looks so sexy. He's frowning slightly, and his lips are parted. Why does he have to look so inviting?

He looked up at me and smiled. I felt my heart speed up and my stomach flip. I managed what I thought was a smile. He laughed and shook his head. Have I begun to tell you how incredible his laugh is?

"How's the um…book goin'?" Shawn called out from over my shoulder. I jumped. When the hell did he get so close?

"Goin' good Jig, thanks." I replied not taking my eyes off my pray.

"Really?" Shawn questioned leaning over the back of the chair to check out what I was reading. "It may be a little easier if you read it this way," he joked as he took the book out of my hands and flipped it around, right side up. Oh my God. No. I had been pretending to read with the book with it upside down. I blushed. Damn.

When I finally lifted my eyes back up to meet Randy's intense gaze, he was smiling. That Goddamn beautiful smile. It's so provoking, and just so…innocent. God he's sexy. I ran a shaking hand through my hair trying to control my thoughts. Not going to think about Randy. Not going to think about how I'd like to fuck him right there.

"What's up with you?" Shawn asked, pulling me out of my trance. He had brought a chair over and positioned himself beside me.

"What're you talking about?" I asked in a wavering voice, probably two octaves too high for me or anyone else's liking. Wow. I don't think I could have sounded any less convincing.

"You know what I'm talkin' 'bout. These past 3 months, you just haven't been here." Shawn explained. Ah, that. Well Shawn, let me explain. Randy's been on my mind for the past 5 months, three of which, got so completely out of hand that I began to scare myself. I want Randy. And I want him now. How's that for an explanation? But I just ended up saying, "tired I guess."

My eyes never left Randy's as he listened to my and Shawn's conversation. "Seriously man, we aren't that stupid. Something's up."

"Like I said, I'm tired. I'm gonna get to bed before the bus stops." Before Shawn could say something else, I was up and walking to my bunk bed.

A soft, almost too familiar hand landed on my arm. I closed my eyes as it sent a shiver throughout my entire body. I just hope he didn't noticed.

"You alright man?" He asked softly. God, yes Randy. "You cold?" I didn't even notice I was shaking. Well that can be slightly embarrassing.

"N-no, I'm good." That sounded like the end of the conversation, didn't it? I thought so too. But apparently my body didn't. I didn't move from his hand, and I just stared at him, practically drooling.

"You sure?"

I nodded. Still making no move to get to my bunk. His gaze had me under a spell. And the concern etched across his face was almost too much. Almost.

"Come on, let's get you to bed." He said getting up from his artwork on the table.

"I'm okay, really," I replied. I started to shake even worse, good timing Littrell.

"Don't be stupid, let's go," he ushered me to my bed. I couldn't believe I was able to walk, let alone speak, but I was doing it. I was lying in bed when he decided to lean over and get something from the other side of the bed. What, I don't know, the beds not that big anyway since we were on a bus.

I closed my eyes and inhaled his intoxicating sent. Fuck you Orton. It wasn't fair. Not even close to being remotely far. He was right in front of me, but I just couldn't do anything about it. I mean, I know he's straight, I am too…well at least I thought I was… and I know that it would ruin our friendship. I just know it. If he came up to me and told me he was in love with me, that he had been in love with me for the past five months I'd probably get freaked and run away. But then again, who can't resist the Orton charm?

"Okay?" Randy asked, moving back from his little escapade of finding God knows what on the other side of my bed. His head was inches from mine. His lips were so close. I could feel the heat from his body radiate off him. I couldn't breathe.

"Johnny? What's wrong?" He frowned.

"I'm fine," I managed to whisper. "Please," I closed my eyes trying to control myself, "I'm really ok."

"Alright, I'll be right here if you need me," his hand grazed mine as he walked away.

I was finally able to breathe again. Relief washed over me, my heart was still slowing down from our last encounter. I couldn't keep doing this. I knew I was going to lose it, and soon.


	3. Rooming

ANOTHER CHAPTER! :) I"m on a roll. I"M IN LOVE WITH THIS STORY! i literally got horny writing it. LOL!

The bus finally made its stop directly in front of the hotel. We dragged our bags into the lobby where our keys and rooms awaited. Once our rooms were assigned to us, you wouldn't believe my luck. Yup. I'm rooming with Randy Orton. Randy fucking Orton. I don't know if I'm going to be able to be in the same room as him with a bed…and a shower… dammit! Why do I do this to myself?

I grabbed the key card to our room and we made our way to the elevator. We were more than a foot apart, but I felt my hands begin to shake, my palms were sweaty and my breathing 'problem' came back in full force.

"You sure you're okay?" Were the next words out of his mouth. My mouth was too dry to speak, but the ring of the elevator doors opening saved me.

We stepped into a crowded elevator, just what I needed. Randy ended up being stuck in a corner while I was on the other side. I looked over at him, just admiring his striking body. His hair had begun to dry into place, looking perfectly messy, if that made any sense. It just made you want to run your hands through it. What I wouldn't give… My eyes traveled downward, I tried to will them not to, but I couldn't. My eyes landed on his firm ass, ugh that damn fine ass. Damn… I felt myself getting hard. I glanced up at the numbers, almost there.

"What's up with you man?" Randy asked. I looked back at him, he had been watching me watch him. Oh my God. The doors came to my rescue again and opened on our floor. By now, all the other people were already off, it was only me and Randy. We walked to our room number and I struggled to get the key card through the slot. I somehow ended up with the key card and my hands just wouldn't stop shaking.

Randy took the key slowly from me and unlocked the door in one smooth motion. Figures. He opened the door and let me walk in first. It was pathetic, I know, I felt like a schoolgirl with a high school crush. But I just couldn't help it.

"Why don't you shower? That always makes me feel better," Randy suggested softly. My cock pressed harder against my pants. I don't know if it was the mental image of him in the shower, or the fact that he cared so much, but either way, it was starting to get painful. He was still staring at me, which only made my knees get weak. I sat onto the bed slowly knowing that I wouldn't be able to stand much longer. Damn him. Damn him and his gorgeous body, his fucking sexy voice, his seductive ways… I pulled myself together and walked over to the bathroom, "thanks man." I replied before closing the door.

I leaned against it once it was shut and took a deep breath closing my eyes. My hands were still shaking as I took off my belt. I had to look down and actually concentrate to get the zipper down. I wished for it so badly to be Nick taking off my pants. I shook my head of thought before it got to intense.

I turned on the tap to steaming hot and stripped off my shirt and socks. The water was perfect, sending steam in every direction. I sighed and began working the shampoo into my hair. A picture of Randy in the shower flashed across my eyes doing the same think made my heart race and I let out a whimper. Maybe hot water wasn't the best idea. I turned it to cold and let it run down my body. I closed my eyes again and the same image played. "Fuck," I moaned reaching for my throbbing cock.

"John!" Randy yelled from the other side of the door.

My eyes shot open and I almost lost my balance from the sudden noise. "Yeah," I asked, my voice throaty and raw. I tried clearing it before I spoke again.

"We gotta get goin' soon. Hurry up!" Randy laughed that erotic sexy laugh sending shivers up my spine. I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower wrapping a towel around my waist and taking another one to get the water out of my hair. Just breathe and you'll get through this, I coached myself as I opened the door to our room. The cold hit me suddenly, and I know it didn't do much for my problem under my towel.

"Undelay!" He smiled whipping my ass with the towel I dropped on the bed. I laughed, despite his sexy ways, he was still a kid. Okay, maybe 31 isn't exactly a kid, but in Orton years it's like 10.

"Where we goin'?" I asked slipping on my boxers and then a new pair of pants.

"We my friend, are goin' out to eat, and then shop and then, Jonathan Felix Anthony Cena, I'm taking you out."

My stomach was in knots and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't spend that long a period of time with him. I just couldn't. It was physically impossible. "B-but," I stuttered aimlessly.

"Un uh, no buts. You're comin' with no matter what. If I have to, I'll drag your ass," Randy smirked.

And with that, he left. I sighed and sat down on the bed, putting my head in my hands. The door swung open and his head poked through, "get dressed noooowww, be out in 5 minutes or experience some major ass whooping!" And then he was gone again.

I lifted my head. That sounded good to me. I shook my head. Damn. You know, I never used to think like this. At first, my feelings changed in a way that I cared more about him, much more, whatever he did, you know? Then, it went into physical attraction, I began to see how hot he really was. Those perfect lips, those intense icy blue eyes… and now I just can't get him off my mind. Both ways. I want to just throw him against the wall and fuck him senseless, and I want to be with him long term. I guess…I guess that's what love is.


	4. Out and About

**A/N: this is the first story i haven't gotten so many reviews in just 3 chapters.. I gotta say I'm proud! I am glad you guys are liking this.. :) Anyways The more reviews the more i will update faster! I hope so! :) Now Onto the Story!**

Well, like Randy said, I pretty much hadn't had a choice in the matter. I spent the entire day with him. And I mean entire day. Mind you, it was incredible, just being around him was enough at times. Thank God I wore a long shirt to cover up my crotch.

We went out to eat, his treat. So obviously it was Micky D's, nothing like treating a friend to a 5-dollar dinner. Then we shopped for hours. Now, knowing Randy, he was really the one shopping, me being his portable rack to stack all his bags on.

And now we were at the club Randy had been ranting about for so long. It was good. The music was good, the drinks were fine, but the company was better. We were both sitting at the bar, already having downed a couple of beers. I have to say, the alcohol did wonders for my nerves, I didn't feel like I was gonna trip over my own two feet every two seconds or anything.

Randy looked hot. And I mean fucking hot sitting there on the stool. His hair was gelled and messed up just right, his black shirt hugged his biceps and chest perfectly, and his tight black leather pants send my mind reeling. He was wearing his 'I wanna get fucked tonight' outfit. Shit. I could feel myself getting hard. So not what I needed with him less then a foot away from me.

My eyes followed the outline of his plump lips, down his exposed neck, to his chest. I licked my lips unconsciously as my eyes traveled down his firm body to his pants. Those damn black leather pants that just scream 'fuck me.' I swallowed hard.

"You there?" I caught Randy waving a hand in front of my face. Oops. Spaced out again.

"Y-yeah." He nodded and took another gulp of his beer.

A breathtakingly beautiful woman sauntered up behind Randy. No. Fuck Randy don't turn around. But I obviously caught his attention, whatever I was glaring at he wanted to see for himself too. He turned around.

Randy's eyes widened, and I could feel my cheeks getting flushed by the thought of him getting turned on by a woman. I was jealous. I was jealous of something that should have been absolutely normal. But it wasn't. I guess I wasn't either. She asked if he wanted to dance, he looked at me as if to ask permission. When I nodded 'yes' he winked at me and took the woman's hand and led her to the dance floor.

I didn't take my eyes off him the entire night. Song after song. Grinding with that woman, practically fucking her on dance floor. It wasn't fair. I took in a shaky breath and ordered another drink. He was pressed so hard against her. I shook my head and grabbed the drink, finishing it in seconds. I wiped my mouth with the back of my sleeve, my eyes never leaving the sight.

I saw him whisper something in her ear and shivered involuntarily, feeling his breath on my neck. She smiled and turned around to face him and wrapped her arms around his neck. His lips began to suck and nip at the base of her neck and she threw her head back. Damn. Even if it wasn't me up there with him, that was still hot. I felt myself get hard and shifted uncomfortably to try and hide it.

The songs got faster, and so did they. When his hand began to rub up and down her waist, to her hips and lower then up again I about fell out my seat. She responded by grabbing his ass and pulling him closer, making him close his eyes. His arousal was obvious, even if she hid it well, it was written all over his face. Which made it that more sexy.

Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore I saw him excuse himself and make his way through the crowd back to his seat. When he got closer my heart sped up and I couldn't breathe, he was all sweaty and hot, not to mention his hard cock showing through his tight leather pants.

"You ready to go?" He asked throwing himself back onto the stool.

I smiled, damn was he beautiful. I nodded, not sure if I could make a coherent sentence and got my coat. We walked out of the club into the cold night air. I began rubbing my hands together to keep myself warm. "You didn't take her home?" I knew my voice wavered slightly, but I chose to ignore it.

He laughed and shook his head sticking his hands in his pockets, "nah, saving that for someone special." He glanced at me briefly before hailing a cab. I stared at him, completely shocked, before slowly getting feeling back in my legs. What was that? What did that mean?

He got into the cab that swerved up to the curb and hollered, "Come on J"! You gonna stand there all day?"


	5. Rehearse!

As soon as we got home he was in the shower. I tried not to think of that, but it was hard. Very hard. I shed myself of my clothes and climbed into my bed, and closed my eyes. Again, Randy in the shower flashed in my mind. I bit my lip to stop a moan.

The door opened and I pretended to be sleeping, I can't seem to master the ability to talk and have an erection at the same time. They both need all my concentration.

Since the minute I woke up, the only thing that was on my mind was Randy. And what that meant when he said he was waiting for the right person. I mean, he looked RIGHT at me. What else was I supposed to think? I felt butterflies in my stomach at just the thought.

We had rehearsal. Fun, fun. After Stephanie worked our asses off we got a 10 minute break, the way that woman can go on and on is beyond me. I leaned against the wall and slumped down to the floor, while I twisted the cap off my water bottle. I took my place, sitting in between a sprawled out Shawn and a standing HHH. Randy had been watching me the entire time. How was I supposed to concentrate on dancing when he was watching me?

My mind drifted back to my earlier thoughts. What if that was a hint? What if he wanted me to ask him out? Or at least tell him about my feelings. My stomach muscles tightened. Maybe not. What if it wasn't what he meant? What would happen? How would I even go about doing it?

I dropped my head into my hands and began to rub my temples. Would he be supportive? Would he be grossed out? Could I ruin everything? When I told him about my plans to marry Elizabeth he about flipped out. I guess he was upset that we wouldn't be spending so much time together, but still, he didn't take it very well. Well, he did, just not right away.

This is a big deal. He'll understand. He's really in tune with my emotions and feelings. He'll know that this means a lot to me and that it would crush me if he didn't stay with me through this.

"Up up up!" Stephanie yelled. I groaned. Why me?


	6. Reality

SORRY FOR THE LANGUAGE IN THIS CHAPTER YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! :) PLEASE REVIEW!

It had been two days. And nothing's changed. Randy hasn't looked at me like the way he did when we were out. He didn't bring anything up. I'm planning on telling him tonight….don't know exactly what I'm going to say, but I'll think about it. He won't push me away. I mean, it may be weird at first, if he doesn't like me back, but hey, this is Randy we're talking about here. He'd never do anything to make me feel bad. He's my best friend. It would all be okay.

I fell against the comfy bed I was getting so accustomed to. Randy was in Shawn's room playing PS3 I told him I needed to think about stuff and then take a nap. He understood and let me be for a bit.

Maybe he does feel the same way. Maybe he'll tell me how long he'd been waiting for me to say something. That it was killing him too. It would make sense. I mean, that's what the looks in rehearsal meant, the meaningful glance at the bar.

I smiled at the thoughts running through my head and closed my eyes. I fell into the first fitful sleep in forever.

After about an hour and a half, I woke up with the feeling that someone was watching me. I opened one eye, but closed it immediately once the bright light hit it.

"Hey," a soft, husky voice greeted me.

I opened my eyes to see Randy on my bed, simply staring at me. My heart was in my throat and I couldn't speak.

"Come on, get up. Get in the shower, we've only got 15 minutes," Randy smiled.

Slowly, I made my way to the bathroom and closed the door behind me. The routine was the same as usual. Hot water. Clothes off. When the water hit my bare chest I closed my eyes, damn that felt good.

I saw the curtain of the shower move slightly. I turned around when I realized I didn't open a window. A hand on my face turned my head back around to face the wall. Holy shit! I knew it wasn't Randy, it couldn't have been…could it have?

I felt a body press up against mine and I moaned. Fuck. "Shh, not a sound." He whispered. It was Randy. My head began to spin and I couldn't seem to catch my breath.

His strong hands landed on my shoulders lightly and traced the water droplets on my back. I shivered and closed my eyes. I didn't think I'd be able to stand for much longer.

"You were so hot watching me that night at the bar," he whispered against my ear. Oh God. My mind still wasn't registering the fact that Randy was in my shower. I was so hard at that point I thought I was gonna burst before he even touched me…if he even touched me.

My hand rested on the wall in front of me, supporting me so I wouldn't fall over. His arms wrapped around my shoulders as his hands explored my chest. His finger outlined my navel, and I felt my knees get weak. He did too and brought his other hand to my hip to support me.

Randy's other hand began to move downward. I braced myself for his touch. First he brushed himself against me slightly, to let me feel how hard he was. "I've been waiting for you to wake up," his breath against my neck sent another shiver rippling down my spine.

The water was beginning to be too much, it was too hot and the heat radiating from Randy didn't help much. I began to sweat. His hand grazed my cock making me moan before he turned me around to face him.

Fuck he was hot. His hair was matted and wet, his cheeks were flushed and his whole body was gleaming from the water.

His lips were instantly on my neck, nibbling softly and sucking at the base of it. My eyes rolled back as he licked his way down my chest. His tongue swirled around my nipple taking it in. My head was swimming, I couldn't breathe. My fingers laced through his golden hair, bringing him closer to me.

He pressed his body further against mine, I almost cried out at the feeling of him against me. I bit my lip and wrapped my arms around him. He pulled away slightly so we could both watch as he grasped both our hardons in one hand, his other hand lightly on my hip.

"Fuck," I groaned thrusting my hips into him. He moaned at the friction it caused and spoke, his voice cracking, "John…don't speak. Someone'll here us."

I nodded, he was right. But I couldn't seem to get over the fact that I made him moan. His thumb moved back and forth over me and I had to throw my head back to keep from yelling.

"John…" He moaned against my ear.

"Randy," I managed to whisper back.

"John," his voice was louder now, I couldn't believe I was making him feel this way.

Suddenly I was smacked hard against my head. What the fuck? I opened my eyes and Randy was staring at me, a look of horror on his face. I frowned, what the hell? I knew he was taller than me but… oh my God. No. My head lifted and my eyes darted around the room. I wasn't in the shower anymore. I was in my bed.

I locked eyes with Randy's. He looked absolutely terrified. He began backing away…the realization suddenly hit me. I had been dreaming. And by the look on Randy's face it was out loud.

"R-" I started, but his hand went up and he shook his head fiercely.

"No. Don't." His voice was cold.

I blinked. This can't be happening.

"No Ran-"

"STOP IT! I don't wanna hear it John!" Randy yelled. I began to shake. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.

"But…"

"You sick fuck!" Randy screamed.

I closed my mouth, tears burning the back of my eyes. Those words hurt. I wasn't sick. I was only in love.

"I can't believe you!" Randy's face turned from frightened to pissed off. He began to pace. "You're disgusting! What happened to all the preaching you went off on! Huh?"

I closed my eyes, and let a tear fall. That was harsh. I was still a religious man and he knew I wasn't against gay relations even from the beginning. I couldn't believe Randy was digging that deep.

"You don't see that in the bible do you? DO YOU!" Randy stood in my face now, screaming. I looked away.

"You're a fag! How could you even think about that! I've been your BROTHER for so long!" He stopped and stared at me for a second. Making my blood run cold.

"How long have you been like this, huh? Since I was a kid? Since we started?" He pointed a finger at me, "I bet you wished you could pounce me when I was like, thirteen! Pedophile!"

"Randy…" I whispered.

"No, don't you Randy me! I'm not listening. I can't believe I ever confided in you! This whole time I thought I had a friend I trusted, but you were just out to fuck me."

"That's not true," my tears were running freely now. There was no sense on stopping them now.

"Look at you. You're a wuss. Our entire friendship has been a lie." He looked at me one last time, as if giving me the once over, made a face of pure hatred and opened the door.

I was desperate. This couldn't be it. I jumped out of my bed to catch him, but stumbled between the sheets and fell.

He laughed bitterly and didn't even look directly at me when he said the words I feared most. "Don't EVER speak to me again. If I catch you even looking at me, it's over. Our Friendship is over."

And with that, the door closed and he was at the door. My body racked with sobs. I couldn't control them. I was in a heap on the floor, tangled in sheets, having the love of my life completely rip my heart out and stomp on it a couple of times for good measure. What I couldn't believe most, was that those words actually came out of Randy's mouth.

Shoot I went harsh didn't I? Sorry.. Don't worry it will get better and Our loveswill be together..


	7. Pain

** Explanation: Okay I will admit this story is somewhat confusing at first is because i did as a Frick/Frack Story aka Brian/Nick From BSB! but i was afraid i'd get bashed for it so i changed it ot Centon... Thanks to everyone for reminding me! Editing as we speak.. here is the next chapter!**

I sat, with the blanket all tangled between my limbs, crying. I cried. I hadn't cried since I became WWE Champion back in 2005 . I cried so hard I could barely breathe and I didn't think I'd be able to stop. I actually felt my entire world crumble from beneath me. Randy hated me. He was disgusted with me. He told me never to talk to him again. Never to look at him again. My hand shook as I tried to wipe away some of the tears.

This couldn't be happening. This didn't just happen. It was one thing to be able to love someone, and not have them know about it, then for them to know that you love them and they don't love you back. Wow, I'm not even making any sense anymore. I didn't know what was right or wrong anymore. Was I wrong to love Randy? Was he right to be disgusted in me?

I just wanted him to love me, to accept me. But that was too much to ask. I never thought Randy would be like this. Or maybe I did, and I just didn't want to admit it to myself. Maybe I did know he was going to call me a fag…I flinched at the word. I wasn't, was I? I couldn't be. I never looked at another guy the way I looked at Randy. Although I didn't look at any girls either.

What was wrong with me? I love my best friend. I love my best friend who is a guy! That's wrong. I'm wrong. I don't deserve him, or anyone else for that matter. He was right. He trusted me, and I betrayed him. Maybe I was only his friend to fuck him. Maybe I only confided in him so that I could be near him. Could that be it? No. No. I shook my head. That was impossible. It only happened 5 agonizing months ago. But maybe it didn't. I could've only realized it a couple of months ago, but really it happened a while ago.

Fuck! That couldn't be right either. Am I that sick? How would I feel if my whole friendship with him had been a lie? I wouldn't want to look at him again. He is right. I would be so hurt. I hurt him. I hurt Randy. Isn't there a saying? You can't hurt the one's you love. I hurt him. Do I really not love him? Is it simply lust?

I got up shakily on my legs and went towards the bathroom. Showers seemed to always calm my nerves. I turned the tap and stripped myself of the rest of my clothing. Once I stepped in, I closed my eyes and the tight muscles relaxed slightly when the burning hot water hit my skin.

But flashes of the dream I had racked at my brain. They wouldn't leave me alone. I began to cry once more, losing what little control I had mustered. Seeing Randy hurt so badly. It hurt my heart. It really did feel like it was in pieces. My legs gave out on my and I collapsed to the ground, letting the sobs take over my body once again.


	8. It Begins

** Explanation: Okay I will admit this story is somewhat confusing at first is because i did as a Frick/Frack Story aka Brian/Nick From BSB! but i was afraid i'd get bashed for it so i changed it ot Centon... Thanks to everyone for reminding me! Editing as we speak.. here is the next chapter!**

I had to face him. I had to face all of them. I don't think I'm strong enough. We had the day off yesterday, so I could cry in my bed and be sad, but now it was work, and I couldn't be sad. It wasn't aloud. But my limbs throbbed, my head hurt, and my heart ached. This was going to be so hard.

I shakily pulled up my pants and threw on my shirt. Randy hadn't come back last night. I don't know if I was relieved or hurt. It didn't matter though. What I felt anyway, I put Randy through enough shit as it is. He always needed my reassurance, he needed my opinion… he needed me, even to this day. He's always been that insecure little kid you saw start out in the any business. And I…I threw it all back in his face.

Okay, I could so do this. I walked out of our hotel room and down the hallways where the rest of the guys were all waiting. All the guys. That meant Randy was included. My heart began to beat so fast. No I can't. I cannot do this. I turned to walk back into my room, maybe they hadn't noticed me…

"Took you long enough," Shawn teased. I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath. Just calm yourself. Will your heart not to beat so fast. Maybe, if I do that, I'll be able to will it not to ache.

I walked up to them, glancing briefly at Randy. Pain. That's all I felt at the moment. That's all I knew. Just looking at Randy brought all the memories flooding back into my mind. I clutched my chest where my heart was…maybe that would work. Make the pain go away. "Are you okay? Is it your heart?" Cody asked attentively. I smiled slightly, spite my feelings, "In a way." Okay that was corny. Pathetic actually, but it got a reaction out of Randy. He hadn't acknowledged me. But he glanced at me, just for a second. And then he was back to talking with Cody.

That was it. His look, it was so harsh, his eyes were coated with anger, but there was something else…I think it was betrayal, hurt. My heart ached more and my eyes rimmed with tears. They hadn't left him the entire time, and HHH began to give me a weird look.

"You okay man?"

I nodded solemnly. Plaster smile on face…give a thumbs up…wink…done. I fucking convinced them just like that. But it's usually Randy that could see right through me, and right now, I think he only wanted to look passed me.

"So are we gonna get? Because I think we're runnin' late," Shawn chimed in.

"Yeah," Was all I said before walking past everyone to the elevator.

I hate this. I just want this all to be over. The tears in my eyes silently fell down my cheeks. I hated it when Randy hurt. And now, I hate it sooo much that I'm the subject of that.

I heard voices from the end of the hall. "Man, what's up with him?" "Did you two have a fight again?" "Get it straight."

When the elevator doors flew open, I ran into them and tried to close the doors before anyone else came in, but when I turned around my heart jumped in my throat. Randy stood there beside me. He leaned over and pressed the close button and the ground level.

"I'm not here on my own free will," he reminded me.

I nodded and slipped my hands into my pockets nervously. The numbers of the floors couldn't have gone down any slower.

"They know something's wrong," I nodded again. "They aren't going to find out alright?" Randy glared at me. Was he… "You don't want them to know you're a fag, do you?"

I shut my eyes tightly and looked away. He's not going to see me cry again. And the guys wouldn't do that. They'd accept me, right? Yeah, right…the same way Randy did? I shook my head in response.

I leaned my head against the wall, two more stories. Two…one…the elevator shook slightly and came to halt. Holy shit. What the fuck? I looked at Randy worriedly who had stepped away from the controls. He had pressed the stop button. I swallowed hard and instinctively began to back up against the other wall. He was known to be somewhat violent when he was upset.

Randy approached me as I backed away. My legs shook when I hit the wall. "Randy…" I squeaked out warily. He was up against me and breathing in my ear. I couldn't help it, I shivered uncontrollably and he laughed. "This is as close to me as your ever gonna get," and with that, the warmth left me as the elevator doors opened a second later and he walked out.

I sank to my knees and began to cry. This wasn't fair. I didn't think I could take much more of this. He's hurting me so badly, I don't think he realizes it. Just taunting me with something I know I'll never have.


	9. Caught In the Middle

**I pray to God this chapter came out good as i hoped. LOL! I think i'm doing 3 more chapters today and that is it.. My hands hurt from typing lala editing... Don't forget to Review... **

**GOTTA LOVE CENTON! **

"What's up with you?" Paul asked as he sat himself down beside me. I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, this is getting irritating. We're leaving tomorrow, and I don't feel like going through this the entire tour. Whatever's wrong with you and Randy please fix it."

I looked at him, I wasn't sure if I was pissed off at him or what. "What if I told you nothing was wrong?" I snapped.

"Then I'd tell you to go shit yourself and come back when you really wanna be a man and confront whatever fucking problem you're dealing with." Paul stood up to leave. I don't know why I grabbed his sleeve, but I did. I needed to tell someone. It was eating me inside, I just couldn't take it anymore.

He turned, raising an eyebrow expectantly. I let go of him. How do I tell him? I'm in love with Randy? Randy hates me? We're probably going to be breaking up one of the most important things in your life? Nope. Don't think so.

"Nothing…it's nothing," My eyes lowered to the floor, shamefully. Why was I ashamed?

"Come on, tell me. I'm here," Paul's tone softened as he sat back down.

"No no," I was shaking my head. I'm not going to tell you Paul. Please don't make me. You'll hate me. "I…it's nothing, you wouldn't be interested."

"Would I be here if I wasn't? Come on buddy I'm here for you." No Paul… please. "Don't give me that look, I wanna know what's going on."

I sighed heavily, no matter what, Paul always gets his way.

"Paul…it's really hard for me to-I…Paul, I-…"

"Take your time," My heart beat so fast against my chest, I was having a hard time breathing. Why couldn't I get it out? Oh, right…he'd hate me. My hands were sweating, I felt like a kid.

"No , it's more than that…I just…I can't tell you," Wow John, make anymore sense and you won't even have to speak soon, you could do it all telepathically.

"Can't tell me? What can't you tell me?" Paul's brow furrowed. He's getting nervous and uptight. Shit. Not what I need.

"No I mean…" I sighed. Was I really gonna do this? "I'm…Paul….I'm…"

"What? You're what?"

"Stop interrupting me, let me get it out." I was getting frustrated, feeling tears burning the back of my eyes. I didn't need this. I didn't need to tell him.

"I'm sorry, really, I am…I'm just worried." I do want his opinion though. He's always given me good advice. I need it. I don't know what to do. Who else could I turn to that won't turn their back on me?

I raised my eyes to meet his. "Paul…you're so completely in love with Stephanie, right?"

Paul nodded, not entirely sure where I was going with this. "With your entire heart, body, mind and soul?" He nodded once more.

"What would you do if for some reason you couldn't be together? Something was holding you back. What can you do?"

He smiled, his worried frown relaxing slightly. Probably thinking about Stephanie, "I would do anything I could to be with her. Whatever it took. Whether it meant to leave what I love most, to fly to the moon or anything, I would do it."

That's not what I meant. "And what if…she…okay, just for a second, think about it she didn't love you back…and you couldn't be together. What would you do then?"

"I'd be fucked," He said simply. Not wanting to look further into it. Stubborn ass as Paul.

"I need a little more than that,"

"Like what? What does this have to do with Randy and you fighting?"

"It doesn't," I lied, "I just…I need to know. It's partly why I'm mad and upset."

He nodded and thought for a bit. I nervously bit my thumbnail. What if he told me something I didn't want to hear. I think I'm falling apart inside. I just, I need the pain to go away.

"Don't cry man, whatever it is we'll work it out," Paul grabbed me into a tight hug. I hadn't even realized I was crying. I collapsed into his arms and let it out. I've been doing it so often lately that I'm tired of being ashamed. I just don't care anymore. The pain…in my heart, it just has to go away. What did I do to deserve this? I can't take this anymore.

I knocked on the door, watching as my hand shook. I was actually beginning to get fascinated when the door swung open. My heart sped up, just the sight of him made my heart skip a beat, my whole world lighten. He went to close the door but I stuck my foot in the door.

"John…" Randy warned.

"Randy…" I countered.

He glared at me, expecting me to shrink away, but I made up my mind. I needed to talk to him. I couldn't live like this.

"Go. Away." He growled.

"What? You're afraid I'll seduce you?" I smirked.

Randy glared one more time and let go of the door, walking to his bed. As if to prove a point that he knew I wouldn't be able too. And that's exactly why I did it…I knew him too well.

"Well?" Randy asked childishly crossing his arms.

"Well what?"

"Stop it. I don't want to be around you anymore then I have to be," Randy seethed. Man he really was mad. But usually, when he's like that, he's more hurt than mad. I needed to talk to him. Now.

I sat next to him. He stood up and walked to the other side of the room. Ass. Homophobic. I turned to him, "Randy, why are you disgusted in me?" Wow. I can't believe I actually voiced it.

And now that I think of it, where did all the confidence come? Just a couple of hours ago I was bawling hysterically. I think it was his presence, it brought me strength.

He looked at me incredulously, as if I should already know the answer. "I don't know. Maybe my best friend is gay? He forgot to mention it to me? And guess what? I certainly found out who he was dreaming of fucking! Way to break it to me!"

I flinched. That was really loud. A little too loud. He seemed to have noticed it too, and cursed silently. "We were imitating…making fun or something, of a soap…if anyone asks, okay?"

"That would mean we made up,"

"Around the others, fine." Randy growled.

"Fine."

He sighed loudly and turned around, occupying himself with something at the counter. He looked good, even from the back…especially from the back. My eyes lowered slowly down his frame. Damn…

"Eyes up," he warned, not even looking at me.

I swallowed, trying to adjust the strain in my pants. "Randy, please…can I tell you something?"

Randy whipped around, "what? Now are you going to tell me you're having a baby, and the father's Pauls?"

I ignored that, really hard…but I did. "Randy…I was going to tell you that night…"

He rolled his eyes and turned back to the table, "No Randy, I'm serious. I thought that if anyone would understand, it would be you. I need someone to talk to. I don't think you understand how hard this is for me. I need you. Fuck Randy, why do you have to be like this?"

He stopped doing whatever he was doing. Maybe I'd gotten through to him. "Randy, I need your friendship now more that anything. I'm so sorry. I never meant for anything to happen. I swear," I tried again.

He turned around slowly, eyes as cold as ice. Maybe I didn't. "John, I don't think you'll ever be getting my friendship in anyway shape or form again. Now Leave. Goodbye Cena,"

The tears burned in my eyes, and I didn't care that Randy was going to witness me break down. He didn't care about anything else, so why should I? Fuck, I wish it was that easy. I knew what he meant. I knew what the fuck he meant when he said goodbye Cena. That was a homophobic pig turning his back on me.

I took the nearest thing beside me and gripped it with a force I never imagine possible. I threw it against the mirror right next to him, and watched as it shattered. "FUCK YOU ORTON!" I screamed. He flinched. He actually flinched. He looked hurt. But not nearly as much, not even a tenth as much as the pain I felt. I stormed across the room and swung open the door.

"We need to talk,"

Shit.


	10. On your side

**Okay another chapter! THis chapter basically SHAWN IS THE ONE THAT KNOWS! AND ONLY KNOWS! ENJOY! **

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. I slammed the door shut behind me so Randy wouldn't be able to see we were caught.

Maybe…maybe he didn't hear anything. Yeah, that's it! Maybe he needed to talk about something else. My heart was pounding hard against my chest, but I took a deep breath. He's so not going to see me freakin', actually…fucking petrified now that I think he may know. Does he know? Holy fuck…what happens now? He's going to turn his back on me, just like Randy. The familiar feeling of threatening tears came back as I brushed by him, not saying a word.

"Yo…come on man, wait up." He called after me, jogging to catch up. I walked faster. "You're gonna talk to me about this whether you like it or not."

I glared at him, slipping my keycard into the slot (Randy had made me get another room) and turned the knob. "No I don't," I said before I shut the door in his face. Man, that was harsh…but right now, I couldn't deal with it. It had only been a couple of days since one person found out, and frankly, I can't go through that again.

The pounding on the door didn't cease and it was driving me crazy. I couldn't even concentrate. Fuck him. I threw the door open, "WHAT?" I barked.

He didn't even look taken aback as he past by me into my room. "It all makes sense now,"

"Fuck you,"

"No see, I bet you would like to though," he tried to joke with a smirk on his face. That joke was getting old, I rolled my eyes and closed the door that I was still holding on to.

"You need me. See, you need someone to talk to you, that won't shut you out the way he did. You know I'll always be here for you man, I'm totally cool with it. Just talk to me."

I looked up, he was sitting calmly on my bed, rubbing the spot beside him so that I would sit down. I hesitated, did he really mean that? I approached him slowly. He was right. I needed to talk to someone. It was killing me.

"There you go man, now tell me…when'd this start? Start from the beginning," he assured me, rubbing my knee.

I stared at his hand, so reassuring. He didn't have to do this. I was an asshole, I didn't tell him anything, I didn't tell my brother… one of the most important people in my life the most important thing in my entire life, and he was sitting here, trying to get me to talk to him. I burst into tears and fell into his welcoming arms.

"Sh…it's okay," he began smoothing out my hair. I think I made sense, through my sobs as I explained to him everything that happened. He rubbed my back reassuringly the entire time. Once I was finished, and my tears stopped, I broke the embrace and looked at him, why wasn't I in love with him?

"If I had found out that you wanted to fuck me the way Randy did, I don't think I'd be here right now either," he answered my unanswered question. I blinked. "He just needs time, you know that…it was a lot to take in, and the way he found out? That's harsh. Especially if his best friend forgot to mention the hugest thing in his life to him. He feels like he's been betrayed, that you never trusted him…"

"But if you feel like that, shouldn't you be sad? Not angry?" I asked quietly.

"You know that's the way he masks his pain," I nodded. Completely true. I even thought that before, I guess I just couldn't admit it to myself.

"So what do I do?" I whispered, afraid of his answer.

"Move on," he answered. I stared at him, completely shocked. Move on?

"Move on? Are you crazy? I've known this kid for a decade, I need him in my life and recently, it's been more than that…I need him to breathe. And he just ripped away my oxygen just like that and you expect me to keep living without it?"

I blinked. Wow. That was deep. Nice analogy. But it was exactly how I felt. He was silent for a moment. Thinking about it, so I had made sense. "I honestly don't know man, I'll have to think about it. If it was some girl and me…it'd be different. I mean, it's happened and I've dealt with it, but this is different. He's important, not just some chick. Let me think about it and take it all in," he smiled and got up off the bed. He walked to the door and opened it.

I jumped off my bed and ran to him before he got a chance to walk out the door. I never got the chance to thank him. "Thank you. Thank you sooo much," I cried as I grabbed him into a bear hug. He patted my back sweetly and pulled away. "Thank you for letting me be me, for accepting me."

"What? Man…don't talk like that. I'd never not let you be you, I'd never not accept you. No one should let you be you. You just be you and see what happens then."

I smiled, "like you?"

He tipped his tinted black sunglasses down his nose and smirked, "exactly."


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay another chapter! THis chapter basically SHAWN IS THE ONE THAT KNOWS! AND ONLY KNOWS! ENJOY! I DID 3 CHAPTERS TODAY! GONE WITH THE WIND! HOLY SHIT! LOL REVIEW! BTW YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME JUST LETTING YALL KNOW! ;)**

Randy sat on his bed with his head in his hands. He stared at one of the pieces of broken mirror that landed by his feet. His reflection stared back at him almost menacingly. He went to kick it, but thought better of it when he realized it was glass.

A knock at the door startled his thoughts. "John…I swear to God, I will hurt you if you come back in here," he warned.

The knock persisted. He was going to fucking kill who ever the fuck that was. He stood up on his bed and avoided the glass. Jumping down he gripped the doorknob, but not before checking to see who it was.

"Fuck Shawn, I'm really not in the mood," he turned to go.

"Randy, open the door."

"No,"

"Randy open the fucking door,"

"No,"

"I will get a key," Shawn threatned threatened.

"And do what with it? Unlock me to death?"

"Smart ass, I just want to talk to you,"

Randy froze. He wanted to talk? What the hell did that mean? Shawn never wanted to talk. He couldn't have heard, could he have? Randy began to panic, he was so going to murder John for everything he put on him.

"Why?" His voice cracked and he cursed.

Shawn smiled from the other side of the door, "no reason…"

"Shawn, you never wanna talk…that means you want something, and I'm in no sharing mood."

"I don't want anything Randall,"

"Don't call me Randall,"

"I'll stop if you'll just open the door,"

"Why? Quite frankly, I'm enjoying this conversation…it's much more pleasant staring at a white door than your nasty face,"

"Ooooh, that almost hurt."

"Shawn…"

"Randall,"

Randy swung the door open catching Shawn completely off guard, not to mention, almost hitting him smack in the face with it. "Stop calling me Randall,"

Shawn strolled past Randy and into his room. He looked around, who the fuck died in here? "What's up with the mess?" He asked, avoiding the sharp objects on the ground.

"Nothing…now what do you want?" Randy asked, trying to look peeved, but was fucking scared shitless, but threw his hands on his hips for emphasis.

"What was all that about?" Shawn asked, pretending to not know anything.

"What was what?"

"All that yelling, I swear to God, you could hear it three stories down!"

"You could?" Randy squeaked.

Shawn nodded his head, laughing hysterically inside…this was sooo mean, he knew, but where was the fun in just straight on telling him he knew?

"Oh," Randy said finally, "it was nothing…just um…I…you know what? I don't really wanna talk about it," Randy concluded, his voice a couple of octave levels too high.

"Un huh, okay…" Shawn tried not to smile.

"Hmmm…processing…translation: I don't wanna tell you."

"Yeah, that too,"

"Ever?"

"Ever,"

Shawn nodded again. So Randy wasn't bent on telling the world. "Okay, well… I thought we could do it the easy way…but I guess not…"

"What? What easy way? What are you talking about?" Randy stammered.

"I know,"

"You know?"

"I know,"

"I mean, about what? What do you know exactly," Randy tried to cover up his slip.

"Randy, I know. I know everything,"

"How? Who?" Randy began panicking again.

"I heard and John," Shawn answered both questions.

Randy glared at Shawn, "John told you this?" Shawn could practically see smoke coming out of his ears.

"Yes, John…but only after overhearing and drilling it out of him. He didn't wanna tell me 'cause he knew you didn't want anyone to know."

"That asshole….after all he's done-"

"Yeah, I meant to ask you that….what exactly has he done?" Shawn cut him off, crossing his arms expectantly.

Randy stuttered a couple of times, trying to get the words out…practically spitting them he was so furious.

"He fucking-"

"Oh that's right. He fell in love with you, confessed his love to you, had his heart ripped out by not only his best friend but his….everything…and then had you start ranting on him. Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I forgot," Shawn interrupted.

"You don't understand," Randy spoke through clenched teeth. His jaw set and reset in absolute fury, he knew if Shawn so much as moved, his jaw would be knocked right out of its socket.

"No? I understand that you feel betrayed, that he didn't tell you, and damn man… that sucks the way you found out…by what you did was far worse than what he could have done to you. You turned your back on him…when he fucking needed you…"

"Yeah, fucking needed me alright," Randy laughed bitterly, his eyes narrowed into angry slits, " he needed me to be on top of him….or behind him for that matter."

"That's all you think it is, don't you? That he just wants to fuck you,"

"That's all I saw and heard, wasn't it?"

"What about the countless amount of times he tried to explain it to you?" Shawn asked, completely disappointed in his younger band mate.

"I learnt to block him out,"

"Asshole,"

"What?"

"Nothing," Shawn muttered.

"You sound like you want this to happen. That it's okay that he's a fudge packer, that he wants me…loves me…same difference….could you even be jealous?" Randy yelled pointing an accusing finger at Shawn

Shawn shook his head in frustration. He met Randy's blazing eyes, "that's what it is isn't it?"

"No you fucking idiot, that's not what it is. Although I personally don't fucking care what sex he prefers…all I care is that my brother is okay…that he's happy. What if it were a woman? What if John were a woman…. who'd been your best friend for a while? She finally confessed her love to you. Even if you didn't love her back, you'd stick with her… you wouldn't just leave her alone to fucking die inside."

Randy snorted, "John would sure make a pretty ugly woman."

"Randy, you aren't seeing the point," Shawn sighed exasperatedly.

"Don't you know who I am? I'm Randall, the guy that can't tell a point from a line, that can't deal with his own problems by HIMSELF!" Randy shouted so completely flustered he didn't realize he was crying. The tears simply streaming down his face, unnoticed.

Shawn stood up and wrapped Randy Into a tight hug. Randy struggled against his grip, but gave up exhaustedly. "Randy," Shawn whispered, " I know how hard it is, how fucking scary it is that John loves you. I wouldn't know what to do. But you…I mean, come on man, you're so strong. Don't do this to yourself, don't do this to John." Shawn murmured against his ear. "Talk to him, maybe you'll understand more, you guys can get through this together…like John and Randy Like Centon."

Randy pulled away from Shawn's comforting embrace, "I think you should leave," he whispered hoarsely.

"What? Randy…come on, you don't mean that…"

"Yes I do," his voice cracked as a sob escaped his throat. Shawn moved in to hug him once more, but Randy took a step back, pointing to the door and not looking at Shawn. "Just go."


	12. Warmth

Randy was on my back 24/7…and not the way I'd like him to be. Every mistake I made, every move I missed or phrase I messed up on, every time I missed…he was on my ass.

"John , holy Christ! What the hell is wrong with you?" Randy yelled.

I shut my eyes tightly, my head pounded from the night before, and I just couldn't take anymore yelling. My eyes began to burn…man, I felt like such a baby.

"Aw, did I hurt your feelings? Little John Bear doesn't like-"

"ENOUGH," yelled Paul. "I don't know what you have against my brother, but I will not sit here and listen to you treat him like this. Stop it. Alright? Settle it on your own time."

"Thank you Paul". Shawn began to clap, he smirked at me and winked. Paul glanced at me, I mouthed 'thank you.' He smiled and nodded, as if it were no big deal. What I couldn't believe most about myself was how I didn't even feel a tad bit out of love with Randy since he first found out and went all ballistic. To me, he was still an angelic creature, who was beautiful in ever way.

"Stop staring," Randy growled at me, just loud enough so that I could hear. I blushed, I was amazed I hadn't been caught, but its not like they'd be looking for it.

After rehearsals, we all left for the showers. We were all in need of one right then, desperately. My eyes grew wide in shock when a hand went around my mouth to stop my screaming. I began to struggle as I was being pulled away from the unsuspecting guys. I was lead to a small janitors closed. My heart was pounding so hard it hurt. I was being fucking kidnapped during a fucking rehearsal.

"I told you not to watch me," my captor growled in my ear. I instantly relaxed when I realized it was Randy. But it didn't last long when I was filled was shock, horror and worry all at once.

"Why so tense? Here, let me help you." He snarled as his hand traveled downward to my crotch. He grabbed it and tugged, hard. "Oh God Randy," I groaned. A wave of electricity coursed through my entire body. It felt so good, but it was so bad. He didn't mean this. He was doing it to spite me. My head started to spin from the pleasure and the confusion running throughout my body. Why was he doing this?

"That's how you like it, huh?" Randy sneered. He began stroking me up and down fast through my pants. I tried desperately not to react, but I couldn't. It felt so incredible, I just couldn't stop him. This was not how it was supposed to happen. He didn't want me. He didn't love me. He was teasing me. Flaunting in front of me what I couldn't have. Tears began to trickle down my cheeks. My body wouldn't stop him. I couldn't. My body wanted it… needed it. He squeezed my cock. I almost couldn't hold myself up, it felt so good. I had never felt like this, ever.

"Randy," I whimpered.

"That's how you want it," it was more of a statement than a question. "That's how you want me? Stop, if I do this…just…stop…stop loving me. I don't want you. I don't love you. Just stop doing this to us, to me."

My tears were relentlessly falling from my eyes. I didn't mean to Randy. He tugged on me once more for good measure, before walking away. He looked back at me, practically spitting in my direction before shutting the door and leaving me in the closet alone. I sank to the floor, my body shaking, too hard and in utter and complete confusion. He was so cruel. Why was he doing this to me? I didn't mean to love him, I swear. I never meant for him to find out either. My body racked with sobs once more as I cradled my head in my hands. Stop. That's all I wanted to do. Stop loving him.


	13. Karma is a Bitch

I walked into the shower house on shaking legs, simply praying that no one would notice my pale state. No such luck,

"What's wrong? What'd he do now? I saw him come in just two seconds ago, eyes flaming. What did he do?" Shawn tried to whisper.

I looked away, close to tears again. I just hoped he understood there was no way I was discussing it with him here…or ever for that matter.

"John," he touched my arm softly, I yanked it away like I'd been burned.

"Stop," I whispered before running out. I could get a shower when I got back to the hotel. I didn't need one now.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
>Means: Days later…<br>~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"It's like he's pulled himself away," Paul confessed, " I hate it. He won't tell me anything."

"Me either, I don't know what to do either," Cody sighed.

Randy rolled his eyes and Shawn stayed quiet, avoiding everyone's gaze.

"Shawn? Do you know anything?" Paul asked attentively, noticing Shawn's slight twitch.

Randy turned his head to him, quite interested in his response. "Um…no. All I know is that something…or someone is hurting him bad."

Randy rolled his eyes once more and stood up, "I'm gonna go play some Solitare, see y'all." Paul nodded solemnly.

"What are we going to do?"

I've given up. I've given up all hope on everything. That things would get back together, that Randy would love me back, that he would understand and care for me again, that he would be my friend again, that we would ever talk again…

"You missed your cue again," Shawn nudged me. I looked at him, expression completely blank.

Randy sighed exaggeratedly, and walked to the other side of the stage. He grabbed his water bottle and began drinking out of his furiously, finishing the entire bottle in one swig.

"John, try to stay with us," I nodded. Paul was right, no matter what my personal problems were, business was business…the show must go on. I swallowed my pride and my heart.

Same ritual as always. Rehearsal. Shower. Randy was off the stage first and practically flew to the lockers. The rest of us followed Randy and walked into the locker room. Paul was the last and slammed the door shut, startling all of us. "I've had enough of this fucking shit. Randy, whatever the fuck you're mad at him for, fix it. Fucking fix it, before I fix you. You're talking about John being selfish up there in the ring?" I felt myself reddened and bowed my head, "you are fucking selfish! You don't care what the fuck this is doing to all of us."

Randy mumbled something inaudible and turned around. "NO!" Paul boomed, he grabbed Randy's arm tightly, "don't you dare walk away from me."

Randy ripped his hand away from Paul's grasp, wincing slightly at the pain, "there is nothing going on. If you don't like it, walk the fuck away. I am," Randy spoke before turning around again.

I glanced at Paul who nodded to Shawn. Shawn's hands were behind his back and when he spotted me watching him, he winked. I was completely confused, Cody didn't seem to notice their little exchange and was just watching Randy walk away.

"Now," Paul whispered to Shawn Both of them grabbed Randy's arms and threw him against the wall. Being held firmly in place from either side, Randy began struggling.

"Get the FUCK OFF ME!" He yelled. My eyes were wide during the entire scene.

Both Paul and Shawn ignored him and continued to pin his wrists down. "Cody, would you kindly bring my bag over?" Cody nodded dumbly and obeyed. He handed Paul the bag and Paul unzipped it with one hand. Randy, the whole while, was screaming obscenities, completely confused. Mirroring my face as well. What the hell were they doing?

Paul threw Shawn something and they both got to work. I glanced at Cody, who had been watching me too, expecting me to know what the fuck was going on. I shrugged, and so did he. This was fucking weird. Paul and Shawn backed away from a frantic Randy.

Once they were out of the way I took another look at Randy. Holy fuck. I about busted up laughing right then. Paul and Shawn tied either wrist to a pipe. Shawn smiled satisfactorily at me and nodded, I laughed.

"You think this fucking funny, Cena? You fucking bastard!" He yelled.

I laughed again.

"Now, you fucking listen to what John has to say. From what I know, you won't give him the light of day. So listen to him for God sakes, save us all." Paul announced before pulling with him a confused Cody and a cackling Shawn.

"You set this up, didn't you?" He glared at me.

"I didn't know shit," I responded, still completely amused by the situation. Man this is quite the predicament.

"Whatever. Get me the fuck out," he growled, pulling at his wrists but wincing at the friction.

"I'll have to think…"

"NOW JOHN", He screamed.

"Well now that you put it that way," I paused for good measure, "no."

"You fucking-"

"This is this only way you'll listen to me, and so…I'm taking advantage of it." He continued to scream and yell, telling me he wouldn't listen.

The door flew open and I felt like a deer caught in the headlights, but when it was Paul I relaxed. "He's not listening is he?" I shook my head.

He produced another handkerchief, "I was saving this." He laughed before wrapping it tightly around Randy's mouth, shoving it into his mouth so he wouldn't be able to talk. 'Thank you' I mouthed. Then he was out the door.


	14. The Speech

Alright I didn't mention this in the last chapter... BUT! i'm making HHH aka paul Cena's brother! LOL that should have been a A/N/ soo here is now... One more chapter coming for the hell of it...

He glared at me, man this was a fucking funny situation. He had to listen. Haha! "Randy…" I began but he turned away, as much as he could like a child that was upset and wasn't getting his way.

"I don't know how many times I've tried to tell you this, but you either won't listen or won't care. Randy, I'm starting from the beginning, maybe you'll understand that way." He sighed really loudly to show he wasn't interested. I hesitated somewhat before continuing, this was my only chance.

"Remember when we used to be Centon?" I asked, forcing my eyes to look up at him. He tried to keep a straight face, but his eyes showed a hint of remembrance…is that possible? Like he was reminiscing. I saw sadness, happiness. He masked it in anger, pretending he didn't care. But I saw through him, I always see right through him.

"I remember when I first met you, you practically laughed in my face when you heard my accent," I laughed lightly at the memory and saw him smile slightly. "I don't know how, I don't know why, but we just clicked. 3 years apart, and we just clicked. We fit perfectly together, and we did everything together. I cared for you so much, I loved you so much, you were my younger brother, and I don't know what I would have done without you. You were my only stability in life, even though I know you looked up to me and watched me, I needed you too.

"You saw that too, sometimes…when I broke down. I never wanted you to see me cry, but I always told you it was okay to. I was your big brother, I had to be strong, but sometimes I couldn't, and only you could have been there for me, gotten through to me." My eyes began to tear, but it felt so good to get it out, whether he had decided to block me out or what. I continued to talk to the tiles of the floor, there was no way I was going to look up at his mocking face, probably edging me to go on so he could laugh.

"I didn't think I could have ever been that close, that in need of a person in my entire life, I didn't think it was possible." I saw his foot move and I looked up at him, he was tearing somewhat too, not noticeably, you'd have to strain to see the tears, but they were there. "Do you remember '01?" I asked timidly.

He blinked his eyes rapidly and turned away, nodding his head just so that I could see he was listening. That was all the encouragement I needed. "I was so scared," I whispered, I didn't trust my voice at that point. "I felt so weak, so dead already, I lost hope, even though I always told you to have faith. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here right now. I mean, everyone helped, the other guys, Liz, my family, the fans…but it was you that got through to me. You always did. And I…" I choked on my last words, "I just wanted to say thank you."

Two tears slowly made their way down either side of his cheeks. I brushed them away, and to my surprise, he didn't flinch or turn away.

"All this only started…like…6months ago. And you know what? As much as I know you hate me, I'm not sorry it did. You are a part of me, and I'm sorry I didn't see it any earlier that I knew I wouldn't be able to live without you. I can't. I just…I need you to be around me just to breathe properly. I don't know why this happened, I didn't mean for it to, I swear." At least I hadn't lost him, he was still looking at me, more like looking through me, but I was getting a reaction.

"Randy, I'm not sorry I'm in love with you, but I am sorry that you found out and just, can't deal with it. I was a fucking nervous wreck when I realized it, I could only imagine what you must have gone through, what you are going through." He frowned, asking an unspoken question, but I heard him, I always do.

"I don't know…I think…well, I had been feeling weird around you lately, and I couldn't put my finger on what it was. But it felt like the entire world was against me until you walked into the room. I thought it was only my relationship with you growing stronger, my respect, my love…I didn't think anything of it." I glanced at him, making sure he wasn't grossed out. He wasn't. At least I hoped not.

"Sometimes I am sorry that I fell in love with you, because I don't think you know what it's like to have something you so desperately need flaunted in front of you, just out reach. It hurt me so bad that I couldn't ever have you. And I knew it. So I tried to keep it under wraps. But then…fuck, the past 3 months…its like it's gotten stronger, and it turned into physical pain…and…um…physical need." I blushed, I felt so horrible, I couldn't imagine the thoughts brewing in his crazy imagination.

"I was at my breaking point, it was getting scary. I was scaring myself how out of control I felt around you. And the dreams…and the…well I just, I needed to tell you. I had never kept anything from you, longer than a day and I just…I needed you there, like you always were, to support me. And for some reason, I knew that wouldn't happen. So I held off a bit."

"And then you…you found out." I lowered my eyes in shame. "Randy, I need you, if not like that, then as a friend. But please, don't push me away. I just…I can't live without you," my tears were flowing freely as well.

"I know what you must be thinking. 'He was going to take advantage of me. He was going to do something to me.' I wasn't. I swear. I would never do anything to make you feel uncomfortable, I would never force you. I would never hurt you. Okay?" He nodded.

"You don't have to say anything, just think about it…take as long as you want. But I just…I need to know…why do you hate me so much?" I asked, sniffling as I wiped my shirt against my nose.


	15. Mild Rape

I can not believe this story is on a roll.. I want to thank you guys... I want to wish everyone a happy new year! 2012 baby make it big... On behalf of this story.. I want to say this.. Who ever is my 100threviewer i will be do one-shot for them! Anything they want.. So Lets go! ;) LETS ROCK THIS!

"It's kinda getting boring talking to myself, so I'm gonna take the gag off you. And plus, it must hurt like a bitch, knowing Paul..." I warned him before approaching him, he suddenly backed up against the wall as much as he could, like he was scared of me. I swallowed back the lump in my throat, he was only confused.

"Don't scream, I have a headache, it'll be back on in a second if you do," I began to untie the knot, "and Randy, I'm not helping you with your wrists, they're fine where they are. Good safe punching distance." Once I finished, it fell to his neck. He opened and closed his mouth, trying to get rid of the soreness.

I sat down, waiting for him to start but he never did. He only looked back at me, watching me, examining me. "Randy...I haven't changed, I'm still me. Just...had a slight change in the preferred sex, that's all."

He nodded, still looking like he wanted to see through me. But then he still said nothing. I stood up. He seemed startled. I titled my head to the side to get a better look at him when the realization suddenly hit me full force. He was tied up. Which meant he was helpless, defenseless, vulnerable...I tried to keep those thoughts out of my head, but I just couldn't. I felt my pants begin to constrict. I know he'd go ballistic if he knew he was turning me on. Oh my GOD! That's why he's been so nervous and fidgety...he probably realized it way before I did.

I took another step forward, to watch his reaction. Same thing. He tried to back away. He was scared I was going to pull something, and frankly, so was I. The thoughts began to cloud my brain when my arousal took over.

"Randy," my voice dropped three levels. He noticed it too, fear obscured his eyes.

"Can I show you?"

"Show me?" He squeaked. The first thing he said since the gag had been removed.

I took another step forward, "yeah," my eyes flashed in desire. I was beginning to lose my control again. I had to breathe a couple of times in order to stop myself from pouncing him. Just think about it. Randy, tied up. Helpless. Defenseless. Fucking hot.

He slowly understood what I was getting at. His eyes widened with fear. "NO!" He shouted. "OH HELL NO!" His head began thrashing from side to side so I couldn't get to it. "NO WAY! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"

What the hell was I doing? I tried to stop myself, but I could only watch as my body approached him again, one step at a time. My mind yelled at me to back the hell off, he was so scared, he was upset...and he didn't want this. He didn't want this at all, but my body wouldn't listen. So I went with my body's desire, my cock so hard, I felt like I was going to explode just looking at him.

I waited for him. It was a good 3 minutes before he stopped screaming his head off. His throat went sore, exhausting himself as he slumped against the wall. I took another step towards him and was now completely in front of him, he tried to shrink away. I saw it, but I couldn't stop.

I placed both my hands on either side of his face before leaning in. I closed my eyes. My lips brushed against his as my heart pounded hard. A bolt of electricity shot through my entire body, shocking me. It felt so fucking good I began to fight with myself not to cum. I pressed harder against his lips, loving the feel, relishing in it. I felt his lips purse into a thin line.

What was I doing? My body began to shake in desire, and my breath came in short gasps. It was so wrong, but that made it feel all the more right. I felt his arms thrashing against his restraints as I held his face straight.

What was only three seconds, felt like an eternity to me. So good. When I broke away, I was already panting hard. So was he. "You told me you wouldn't force me, you wouldn't do this... You lied." He whispered, his throat too sore to speak anything above that decibel, tears brimming his eyes.

My heart broke at his words, the look on his face. It hit me then what I had really done. I felt like...a rapist. I did. I told him I wouldn't. "Randy...I'm sorry...I just...I couldn't help it..." I tried desperately to get him to understand. "Please...will you let me feel your lips on mine, just once more? I'm dying inside. I need you so badly it hurts. It won't go any further," I practically begged him.

He didn't say anything, I think he understood, but I couldn't be sure. I leaned in, he backed away, hitting his head on the concrete wall. I pressed my lips once more against his and felt my whole world spin, too many sensations at one. My tongue snaked out and trailed across his lips. He pursed his lips once again so I couldn't get through. But I needed to. It was scaring me how much I needed to. But I did.

So my hand traveled to his crotch inconspicuously. I grabbed him through his pants and he opened his mouth in shock and pain. I took the opportunity, slipping my tongue into his mouth.

His eyes opened wider in surprise, but couldn't do anything to stop it. I know he debated at one point to bite my tongue, but I also knew he wouldn't. Gently, my tongue began to explore his mouth. Every crevice, ever curve, absolutely everything I could. Trying to memorize it knowing I would never be able to do this again.

He tasted so good, just like I had imagined. My cock strained so hard against my pants it hurt. I was still fighting off my orgasm, as embarrassing at that was.

I tilted my head for better access. My tongue massaged his still one softly, I ran mine along the sensitive vein underneath his and I heard a moan. It was soft, quiet, almost inaudible, but I heard it. I wasn't sure whether it was him, or me but I heard it.

I opened my eyes to observe him and noticed his eyes were closed. He refused to close his eyes before. I did it again. I massaged mine with his and heard an unmistakable whimper. It wasn't me. Him. It was him. It was fucking him! I couldn't believe he responded. Holy shit. I froze and pulled away. He opened his eyes in alarm and began in vain to shy away from me. He seemed utterly shocked too.

None of us said anything for a moment. Just watching each other. My entire body was shaking with anticipation. Was this really happening?

"Stop," he whispered.

"You don't want me to," I whispered back before I leaned in. I placed my lips on his swollen ones. As I predicted, he pursed his lips together again, not allowing me access. I hesitated for a moment. Maybe he really didn't want it. Maybe I just imagine everything. Maybe I was just making it up in my head that he might. But I couldn't seem to stop myself, which above all, scared me most.

So instead, I took his lower lip in my mouth and sucked slowly, softly.

A loud groan elicited from his throat as his mouth opened. Instantly, my tongue snaked inside for a quick taste before I lightly sucked on his tongue. God this was sooo hot. My fingers found their way into his soft locks, laced through the silk I pulled him closer to me, needing to feel more. A light sweat broke out on my brow. I'm not thinking I'll be able to hold out much longer.

My hips unconsciously began to rotate against his pelvis, needing my release desperately. His hips bucked from the friction, which sent my body into overdrive. I began to shiver, his hips moved against mine, creating unbearable heat. Oh fuck, this was incredible. But then he suddenly pulled away completely from me. The heat left my body almost instantly.

My forehead rested against his, I needed some sort of contact. I was breathing so hard, my lips swollen and red, my hair a mess, my cheeks flushed...I'm sure I was quite the site. Randy mirrored my disheveled look, but he on the other hand, was hot. Fucking hot.

I wasn't sure what to do next. I don't think I ever even thought of what would happen if he did want me back. And now...it was actually a possibility.

He shook his head against mine. "No...no..." he repeated over and over.

"No what?" I asked, knowing exactly what the 'no' was for, noticing he wasn't looking at me.

"I'm not gay," he whispered, a tear slipping down his cheek. "I'm not." He sounded as if he was reassuring himself. He looked up at me, "and...and I don't want you. I don't love you. So just...stop."

My heart was stabbed, relentlessly with every word. How could he do that to me? Lead me on again? I broke away from his embrace. Tears prickled my eyes, but I stopped them from falling. Did he take pleasure in making me hurt?

"Stop?" I whispered. How could he give himself to me and rip it away so easily?

Randy looked into my eyes and a pained expression crossed his face, but he looked away and repeated the words I dreaded, "stop."

"Why'd you let me start?" I whispered, my voice was thick and full of emotion.

He avoided my gaze, "I..."

"Look at me when you say it,"

His eyes reluctantly found mine, "John..."

"Can you honestly tell me you didn't feel anything?"

He nodded his head.

"But I heard you," I was referring to his moan. He had to remember that, what it felt like...

He shook his head. The tears blinded my eyes, "I did..." I whispered. I looked down, but not before I caught his obvious arousal. "Nick... your body seems to be telling me otherwise," my words were so bold, my heart was breaking inside.

His eyes followed mine, "I-I...well I...haven't been with anyone in a long while. So...I got turned on."

Turned on? My heart skipped a beat, I tried to fight the hope that crawled up, but I couldn't help it.

"You don't get turned on from the same sex unless you truly want it," I replied placing a hand on his chest. He jumped. We both watched wordlessly as it trailed down his torso.

"Don't...please..." he begged, but I ignored him. I heard the straining of his wrists as he pulled. I was determined. My hand brushed ever so lightly against the fabric of his pants. He tried to stifle a moan that escaped his throat. That simple noise made my entire body heat up. I looked up to his face, his eyes were closed.

It was like a rush of adrenaline, but I felt bold and I decided to tease, "Are you sure you don't want me to..." I trailed off, squeezing him slightly. He whimpered, but nodded his head.

So my finger went lower, and traced circles against his balls. I heard his hoarse voice cry out. I smiled. "Are you sure you're sure?"

He didn't respond. My fingers continued to trace patterns. I knew I was evil. But I also knew he wanted me. I felt him almost quivering beneath me. I guess I found one of his hot spots. He shook his head desperately. "So you want me to continue?"

He moaned his response, so my hand cupped him tighter. In deliberately slow strokes, I teased him.

His eyes, completely glazed over in lust, tried to focus on mine, "Wait...no. Stop. I don't...fuck," he hissed when I slid my hand down his pants. He began to pull on his restraints not knowing what the fuck he wanted.

"Randy, just feel," I whispered against his ear. His hands fell to his sides as he shuddered and threw his head back. My finger brushed against the tip of his cock, and he moaned lightly. His lips were partly opened, his eyes fluttering close, his head thrown back, his hair messy and damp from the sweat that covered his entire body, his cheeks flushed. Just how I pictured him. He was simply gorgeous.

His hips started moving with my strokes. "Fuck John..." he moaned against my ear. His breath was hot and ragged, tickling my ear. I was breathing hard with him, trying to concentrate, watching him was getting to be too much.

His words suddenly hit him, and his head shot up, "No...no, John please..." his hoarse voice cried. He tried to shy away again. I would have stopped, but I didn't want to, and neither did he, so I ignored him, and began to suck on his neck, light kisses over his Adam's apple. He groaned again, "Please...stop, fuck Joh..." he licked his lips as an attempt to control himself. "I'm...I can't...I can't be gay. I'm not," he blurted out between gasps.

Can't be gay? What? I pulled away from him confused and hurt. Was that what was wrong? Everything was just falling into place and panic began to rise up in my throat. He wasn't gay. He didn't want to be. He didn't want to be with me.

"Randy?" My voice betrayed me.

Randy glanced up at me, and burst into tears. I hugged him tightly. I didn't want to let go, maybe I scared him away, maybe I went too fast...Dammit. My tears fell against his shirt, making my very own spot. Randy's arms were tied so I knew his arms wouldn't wrap around me, but my heart grew warm when he nuzzled his chin in the crook of my neck. I missed his touch so much it hurt.

"Randy...I don't...I'm not gay either," he snorted at my attempt to calm him down. I smiled, "that's not what I mean. I don't...I guess...I mean...I don't look at myself like that, you know?" I rested my forehead against his so I could look him in the eyes. He frowned, confused. I tried desperately to search for words to explain, make him understand.

I was thanking God at the moment that Randy was even listening.

"You're...You..." I began to stutter nervously. I had to get this out. "You're the only person I've ever imagined being with. No other girl, no other guy does anything for me. It's just you, and that used to petrify me, because I knew I couldn't have you. But now...I don't know. I'm so confused."

He looked at me, squinting in uncertainty, "really?" he whispered. My heart raced. I nodded.

"You don't need to understand your heart, it's usually impossible. All you need to do is go with it."

He was silent. What did that mean? I was so afraid to look in his eyes. What would I find there? Disgust? Fear? Hurt? Maybe, just maybe...he was thinking it over. My heart slammed against my chest in anticipation while my hands shook. Maybe all I was put through would be good in the end?

"John," he whispered, barely audible. Shaking my thoughts away, I focused on him. His eyes were worried, concern, hurt, uncertain...and something else. I wasn't sure.

"Hmm?" I answered, still trying to decipher what it was.

"I don't...I...my...Johi, I don't know what my heart is saying," he whispered. My heart skipped a beat. Randy never liked to talk about his feelings, it stopped a long time ago, when the other guys thought he was too much of a baby. He was confiding in me. I could hardly breathe. But I didn't say anything, I knew better. "I don't know what to do," his head dropped so his chin hit his chest.

I took a step cautiously to him, I didn't want to do anything too quickly. I'd scare him away. I placed my hand on his heart, it was beating so fast. I was completely floored. It was all so overwhelming. "I think," my voice cracked. Shit. Still, one of the corners of his mouth lifted. "I think it's trying to tell you something." I dipped my head and rested it against Randy's chest. It felt so comforting and perfect at that moment, it almost scared me. That's where I always knew I'd belong.

I could hear his heart perfectly, if I wasn't mistaken, it had sped up in the last couple of seconds. "It's asking you why you're so stupid and levelheaded," I smiled against his chest, hoping he would take it the right way.

He laughed. I felt my own pulse begin to race. His whole body shook with the movement. "If you want, I could...we could...figure this out together. Just please, don't...don't leave me. I won't be able to take anything more." I choked on a random sob as I held him tighter determined not to let him go.

I felt him pull on his restraints. I looked up, but he moved his chin so it was on top of my head. "John," his voice was still hoarse. He was allowing me to cling to his chest. "I'm s...Bri...I'm so sorry. I-I can't...I can't tell you how sorry I am. I don't know why or what I put you through. I just...I di...I didn't..."

He stuttered for the words, but for some reason, always like Centon I understood. "Shh...it's okay. I know you and I know you didn't mean it." I felt him nod his head.

"I didn't, I swear, I didn't understand..."

"I know Randy,"

"No. I mean, didn't understand my own...I...think...I don't...I-I," he sighed, frustrated. If his hands were free he'd have run his hand through his hair to try and collect his thoughts. "I think...I feel something for you too,"

My heart stopped beating. I broke his embrace, my eyes wide. "W-what?"

"I... I just. I don't know..."

"You feel something for me?" I repeated, not quite sure what I was hearing. My voice was so small. Complete shock almost blocked my entire airway.

He nodded and looked away.

"Oh my God," my hand went to my mouth. "Then why?..." My mind began to race...thinking back on this past month.

"I don't know... I wasn't...I didn't think...it's...I just...it's not right."

"Not right?"

He nodded again.

"What do you mean?" Even though I knew perfectly well what he was trying to say.

"Us. It's not...so many things...it just won't work."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, but I couldn't help the panic rising. He wasn't...he couldn't be saying what I think...

"I don't...it's not..."

"Please..." I said, backing away, one hand was up protecting me from him. From hurting me again. I had just completely opened myself to him, and he closed the book and handed it back. I tried, for so many months to push away the slight hope that he might want me back, but I couldn't this time. And it hurt, it hurt bad.

"No John...listen..." he tried. But I couldn't. I continued to back away until I tripped over a bench. I turned and fled for the door. "John! I listened to you, please...listen." He struggled against his restraints.

I stopped, but didn't turn around. I was facing the door. A part of me wanted to run away, to run away from all the pain he made me go through, but the other part of me wanted to turn around, run back into his arms and take him back.

"John...look at me. Come here," his voice was sturdier, calm almost. I glanced at him, and with one look I was weak. I walked mechanically back to face him. Whatever he had to say, I couldn't hurt anymore.

"John...untie me."

I shook me head. He sighed loudly "J", I just...I mean...it's not. It can't be right. I'm not right. You aren't right. And we aren't meant for each other."

I stepped closer to him, he jumped, I could almost see his hands shaking. I was affecting him. "Nick, can you honestly...honestly tell me that when I'm near you, everything feels wrong?"

He looked away, not able to meet my eyes. "Randy... I swear to God...if you lie to-"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"So what is it?"

"When you're near me, everything's right."

"And that's wrong?"

He nodded.

Fuck him. "Coward."

He looked back at me in shock. "What?"

"You heard what I said. " My voice was eerily calm.

"Yes. I did. You said I was a coward. Now I would like an explanation," his voice wavered slightly, despite his efforts to keep it as level as mine.

"You are scared. You don't want to do anything about your feelings because you're scared. You're fucking scared. You coward. Stop running away from everything." I spat, anger filling my veins. I had enough of this.

"I'm not a coward," he whispered.

"Then prove it,"

"Untie me,"

"Prove it,"

He glared at me for a second, then sighed in defeat. His head dropped, "Brian...no one will understand...I don't...I..."

"Who cares what other people think?"

"I do. I was taught to. They made me what I am, and I don't...I don't wanna be what..." Randy looked up, tears brimming his eyes. "They say I'm a fag. I'm not."

My resolve broke, along with my heart...I had never though what Randy must be going through. H e always could see the worst parts in things and new just how to blow it out of proportion. "Aw Randy," I stepped to him and grabbed him in a tight hug. His shoulders shook. Shh Nicky, don't cry baby. I love you. Everything's gonna be alright. "Randy, you don't have to do anything about this right now, but I swear to God Randy, if you deny who you are, I'm gonna fucking killing you," I smiled slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

He smirked, small, but it was there. "Randy, promise me. No matter what anyone says, just be you."

Randy looked away. "Randy, I'm serious. Someone once told me something really smart. 'No one should let you be you. You just be you and see what happens then.' It's true you know,"

He nodded.

"Promise me. Look at me."

He looked up, and smiled. The first real smile I saw in forever. Tears tracing paths down his cheeks, " I promise."

"Good."

"Now untie me."

"You know what? I don't..."

"John," he warned.

"Randall," I answered back in the same tone.

"Don't call me that,"

"Call you what?" I asked innocently.

"Randall,"

"Why are you talking to yourself?"

He smiled. "God I missed you," he whispered, again pulling at his restraints. I understood, I leaned in and gave him a tight hug.

"I missed you too," I whispered, trying hard to not let my tears fall again.

"Now untie me, or I swear to God, you're dead when someone comes around."

"No one works down here dumbass,"

"The guys'll save me,"

"They put you here,"

"I still think that was you,"

"Would I have been that smart?"

"No,"

"Then there's your answer, huh?" I smiled. He was back. He was fucking back.


	16. The Actual Feelings

Well we have come to chapter 16... excited! ;) Remember the person who gets the 100th review will get a special one shot! Here is Chapter 16... EDITED! LOL

We all stood. Staring at him. Shawn pretended he was contemplating. Paul looked like he was going to bust up laughing. Cody's eyes twinkled in amusement.

"Guys, this is seriously not funny anymore. I'm tired, I'm sweaty, I'm smelly, I'm hungry, I have to piss…let me go."

"Man, he does whine a lot doesn't he?" Paul smiled.

"But he's right about one thing," Shawn remarked, holding his nose.

"Fuck you Shawn,"

"Back at you," shawn winked.

Randy swallowed nervously, afraid someone else caught that. No one did.

"I think we should leave him here,"

"Me too," I chimed in.

Randy glared at me.

"You guys resolve everything?" Paul asked.

Randy rolled his eyes.

"Randy I meant it,"

"Yes daddy, we hugged and now we're gonna go paint our nails together," Randy smiled exaggeratedly.

Paul looked at me, I smiled and nodded. "Wow, haven't seen that in a while." I blushed.

"You know what? I've got an idea. Why don't we all leave again? Leave John to get back at Randy, you know, give him a taste of his own medicine, what he put us all through."

Everyone agreed. I swallowed hard. I knew what Shawn meant, what he was implying. I was scared Randy did too.

"Whip his ass good," Paul laughed cluelessly walking out the door with the other guys.

"I will," I mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing,"

"I'm serious now, I wanna be untied!"

"I know you do. But I wanna have some fun first, and seeing how I'm more in a position of dominance, what I say goes, huh?"

"Fun?"

"Fun,"

"What kind of fun?"

I smiled devilishly and approached the boy. "John," Randy warned.

"I'll only go as far as you let me, I promise,"

I leaned in slowly, brushing my lips softly against his. We were in no rush whatsoever. He responded, pressing his lips against mine. My head began to spin again, I couldn't believe his affect on me. This time he asked for entrance, gliding his soft tongue over my plush lips. I opened welcomingly, allowing both our tongues to explore each other's. He was nervous, I could tell, and so I brought my tongue into his mouth, his own teasing mine along the way. I explored his mouth, slowly, tasting, feeling everything that was Randy.

I heard a soft moan, and my heart pounded in my ears. I couldn't believe what was happening. God, this felt so right. My hands, which were planted on his chest, began to move. First, I rubbed his chest and then my hands went over his broad shoulders and down his back. My fingers went back up and lightly traced his neck. I felt him shudder and I laced my fingers in his golden hair.

It was his turn, he wanted to take control of the kiss. He pushed my tongue back into my mouth and followed it just as eagerly. Massaging the sensitive spot I had hit on him earlier, I moaned, fisting my hands unconsciously in his hair.

I felt him hard against my stomach. I wanted to do something, anything, but I wasn't sure what he wanted. How he was going to react. Reluctantly, I pulled away from him, but smiled when he followed my lips, eyes still closed.

His eyes fluttered open, glazed deep blue orbits stared back at me. "Holy shit…" he whispered huskily. I nodded. I brought my shaking hands down to show him how much I understood.

"I know," I whispered, my voice just as husky.

"That fucking floored me," he smiled. "Let's do it again,"

And we did. Over and over. His hips began rotating against my stomach, unconsciously. I looked up at him questioningly and he blushed. Adorable shade of red on him I might add. I was asking permission, "Randy?"

"Soon," he answered.

Our lips met once again and our bodies pressed tightly against each other. I was trying so hard not to cum, it was so embarrassing. But every movement he just made me feel that much weaker. "Randy,", my voice broke as he continued to suck on my neck. "Fuck…Randy, I can't-"

He looked at me, almost in amazement, it was my turn to blush. He knew what I was trying to tell him. He didn't seem to be disgusted, only in awe. He leaned in closer to me, making me shake. "John baby, come for me…please Cena," his breath tickled against my ear. My hands landed on his hips, bringing him closer as he rotated hard against me. My head fell into the crook of his neck. "Come for me John," His tongue darted out uncertainly, tracing the outline of my ear. That sent me completely over the edge as I whispered his name as I came. Not in a million years did I think that would happen. That I would come in Randy's arms…well, so to speak.

"John baby…untie me, please," his teeth nibbled my ear and I became hard almost instantly again.

"I don't know…it's so hot to see you tied up like this, should I?" I asked playfully.

"John," he sighed.

"Randy, can I?"

He took in a sharp breath. "What?" He whispered.

He knew. "Can I touch you?"

"John… I-"

"Shh…Randy, it's okay. You don't have to explain. I understand completely," I looked down at his painfully hard erection, "I just wanted to help."

"Soon," his voice cracked.

I leaned across him and he held his breath, almost as if my presence affected him. Both my hands worked on the tight knot Paul formed. Once I got his arm free I massaged his wrist, seeing how red it was. He sighed in relief. "Jesus that feels nice," he smiled. I undid his other wrist.

Both hands came up immediately to my head. He ran both hands over my face, memorizing. His thumbs brushed lightly against either side of my cheeks. He brought me in for a hug. "Holy fuck, this feels even better," he murmured. My heart soared. My eyes watered. I was in heaven.

"Randy…" I whispered.

"Shh…" he whispered back.

The door flew open. "CENTON ARE BACK!" Shawn decided to yell across the entire hall.

"Yes we are," he smiled pulling away from me. He winked, and my stomach flipped. Oh my God. This was fucking paradise.

This was surreal. I knew I was dreaming, but I was gonna live it to it's fullest until I woke up.

I sat on my bed, nervously pulling at my shirt. My hands wouldn't stay still. I was trying to keep myself occupied. He needed time. I knew. I really did. I just…I couldn't stay away from him. I needed to touch him. Now that…I can…I just can't keep my hands off him.

I found myself at his door, knocking lightly. "Randy?" I whispered.

Moments later, I heard lazy footsteps trudging to the door. I smirked. The door swung open and a disheveled Randy stood before me in his boxers. Only his boxers. Messy hair…my smile faded and I swallowed hard.

He smiled at my awkwardness and motioned for me to come in. We walked silently to his bed where he pulled down the covers and climbed in. I sat on the edge near his feet.

"Randy?"

"Hmm?"

"We need to talk,"

"I know,"

"You first,"

"You brought it up,"

I sighed. "Randy, I know…" I took a deep breath, "Randy I know this is so new to you…hell it's new to me. I just…I want to do this right."

He smiled. That gorgeous Randy Orton smile that made my heart flutter. "Me too,"

"This is so weird,"

"I know," he laughed.

"You told me you had feelings for me, then told me it was wrong. Are you sure?"

Randy sighed and looked away. Shit. My heart began to ache, I didn't like this. "I-"

"Randy, what do you want?"

"I want you," he said simply, finally looking at me.

"You do?" I whispered, relief washing throughout my entire body.

He nodded.

"Say it again," I needed to be sure. I needed to hear it again…to make it true.

"John…"

"Please Randy?"

He sighed. "John, I want you. I did. For a long time now. I just, didn't want to, didn't know how…I didn't know what to do. Can…we try?"

My eyes were wide in shock. I hadn't expected that. Him so blunt. He just confessed his feelings two days ago. I felt as if I was the experienced one, the confident one. "Long time?"

He nodded.

"How long?"

"Long enough,"

"How long?"

"Around a month,"

My turn to nod, I tried to will my heart to stop beating so hard, it was starting to hurt. He wanted me. 'For a long time now.'

When I looked back at him he closer than necessary. Too close. I felt my breath quicken. "John," he whispered seductively.

"Hmm?" I managed.

"I want you. I want you so fucking bad, please let me have you, all of you, only you…" he captured my earlobe between his teeth. If I was standing, my knees would have buckled.

My eyes rolled back and I leaned my head against the head. Fuck. Those words got me hot and hard all over again. "Please John, tell me you want me too."

"God Randy, you know I do," I whispered, suddenly losing my breath again.

"Say it," his deep voice whispered against my ear, repeating my pervious words. "I wanna hear you say it," his tongue darted out and outlined my ear.

"Fuck…Randy, God…I want you too," I whimpered, practically begging him.

"We have to take it slow," he leaned his forehead against mine. I nodded. He smiled. Good. He fell back against his pillow and pulled off the covers. I felt my heart slam into my chest as I lay down beside him, his body spooned mine so perfectly. His arm slid shyly over my side before landing on my stomach, I shuddered from the delicate touch. He pulled me closer as my eyes fluttered closed. Yes. We fit. Everything…everything was finally as it should be.


	17. Hiding

**Okay first off HOLY SHIT! On how many reviews on got on this so far... Still have alot of chapters left... and thanks you thank you alot! The 100th reviewer was Erin aka Scurvied One! She will be getting her one shot up this weekend. Have it already done! ;) Now onto the story... ENJOY**

I became aware of the arms wrapped around me slowly, waking up from a deep perfect sleep. Something I hadn't done in ages. The heat radiating from the body wrapped around me became overwhelming. I needed to see him. Carefully I rolled around in his embrace.

I have never felt so content in my entire life. I stared at the most beautiful creature beside me. His sandy eyelashes fluttering in his sleep, his perfect plush lips forming a pout…my breath caught in my throat. Stunning.

My hand reached out and lightly traced his beautiful cheekbones, down to his chin. I brushed my fingertips over his lips. So innocent.

I was so engrossed with his lips that I didn't see his eyes open. His lips formed a smile, and I mirrored him.

" 'Mornin'," Randy's hoarse morning voice whispered.

I smiled and sighed in content, turning around and fitting myself back in his arms, against his body. His arms went tighter around me. I moaned lightly.

"Randy," I whispered. .

"Hmm?"

"I love this,"

I felt him nod his head, "me too." His lips pressed against my neck, over and over. My eyes fluttered shut, and I titled my head so he could get better access. His lips traced down to my collarbone as his tongue snaked out. My head began to spin and my heart raced with love. "Randy…" I moaned his name again.

"Yes baby?" his kisses were still feather light.

"I…oh God," I moaned when his hands began to glide over my shirt on my stomach, he lifted my shirt and his fingers danced along the waistband of my boxers. My breath came in short gasps as my hands blindly searched behind me for his body.

"Turn around," he whispered against my ear, sending shivers throughout my body. I needed to see him too. It was an overpowering urge. I was met with icy cold blue eyes. As I gazed into his eyes, everything fit into place. We were the only ones in the entire world. On this bed. In each other's arms. This is how it was supposed to be. It was too good to be true.

A loud shrill broke our intense gaze as Randy reached over me for his phone. My heart sped up when he leaned in towards me and blew hot air against my neck. "Hello?"

I watched Randy, seeing how I obviously couldn't hear the other line. He lifted off of me when he heard the voice and tried to turn away from me. I felt a pang against my chest. That hurt. It was like just a second ago he was engrossed with me, now he won't even meet my eyes.

He checked his watch and groaned. We were obviously late. I just couldn't remember what it was we were supposed to do.

He frowned and his eyes finally locked with mine. "He's uh…he's here," Randy blushed. He actually turned red. Who had he just admitted that too? Panic began to rise in my throat. What would they think? What if it was Paul? Shit!

"No…come on man, that's nasty. Stop it Shawn," he rolled his eyes, "drop it buddy. Nasty boy….No…no you cannot talk to him."

Thank God. Thank you Shawn! Relief surged throughout my body. Thank God. I don't think I would be able to handle everyone finding out. We haven't even figured it out. It so wouldn't be good. Randy was also visibly looser, leaning against me again. Then it clicked. Nasty boy? Shawn? What was he thinking? Why had Randy not wanted me to talk to him?

"Yeah okay…that sounds…no no, I get it. That's good. I'll see you soon." Randy hung up and sighed, before turning back to me.

"Shawn?"

He nodded.

"What'd he want?"

"He um…wanted me to know that I was late…and that um, you were missing. Everyone was looking for you," I could feel the awkwardness in his voice as he blushed for the second time. Damn. He was just getting used to this.

"So what happened?" I decided to drop the nasty boy part.

"He said he'd think of something." Randy got up and moved to his suitcase where he failed to unpack from when they first got there. I laid there in the bed. Our trance was broken and cold reality settled in. This was not going to be easy. And Randy was going to make sure of that.


	18. I'm Scared

A/N: I just want to take the chance to say thank you! You guys are officially awesome. I had no clue this story would do so well. 120 reviews and still going... There are at least 30 chapters left tot his story! ENJOY!

I do not own any of the Superstars!

Rating: M

Think of something my ass. You know what he thought of? Randy had a nightmare and wanted me to keep him company. Fucking idiot. Do I have a sign on my forehead that says 'Go ahead Shawn, spell it out for them?' I shook my head, walking out of the elevator, leaving Randy, Shawn, Paul and Cody to talk for themselves.

Ever since that call, Randy's been well…completely distant. He wouldn't even look at me, let alone touch me. And that hurt so much. But I guess…that's part of the whole secrecy thing. I mean, not only is he scared, but he's gotta accept it and figure it out. As much as it kills me, I've gotta let him get through that part alone.

With the Bags by our sides, we made our way through the lobby and into the van. Past the thousands of screaming fans. No matter how many times I get to pass through them, I still feel the same rush, you know? Those screams are for us. I just can never get over that. Those people are outside there, all hours of the night, waiting for a glimpse at the most. Of us. It's just…whoa. I wanted to stop and sign some autographs, but I was pushed they entire way through 'cause there were too many to handle. I waved instead and sat in the back of the van.

Shawn followed me in and sat beside me, and Randy beside him. Cody and Paul were in front of us and then we were off. Stealing glances at Randy every now and again, I came to realize he hadn't once looked at me. Instead, he continued to stare out the window. He made it a point not to look at me.

I couldn't understand what I had done. It seemed like only two seconds ago we were wrapped up in each other's arms, and now he wouldn't even look at me. I felt my eyes water. I felt so used and pathetic all over again. I didn't want to feel like this dammit.

Shawn looked up, thinking I was looking at him. He saw the pained expression in my eyes and looked at Randy, who still refused to look inside the van. Shawn looked back at me and frowned his question. My gaze fell to the floor. Shit Shawn, why do you have to be so observant? I didn't answer. He didn't press.

Our rehearsal was fine. As fine as it could be with Randy and I missing our cues and Shawn trying to cover for us. Randy was clearly in his own little world, and I was determined to find out where that was. Three days. Three days of pure bliss, and Randy was the cause of it. I was not going to lose him without a fight.

When our rehearsal was over, I stepped on Randy's shoelace so it would untie, leaving him behind. Once the other guys were out of sight I sat down next to Randy and waited for him to look up.

When he did, I felt my heart speed up again. I tried to will it to stop, but since when does your heart listen to your mind? His eyes quickly glanced away from my gaze and he stood up, ready to leave.

"Randy…" I began, but he was walking to the dressing rooms. Watching his back go, my knees began to feel weak. This couldn't be happening again. I couldn't go through it again. I just got him. I couldn't let him go.

"Randy, please…don't do this to me again," I whispered. I didn't think he heard me, but I wish he did. When I looked up, he had stopped walking. Hope seeped through into my mind. He didn't want to let me go either. But he still made no move to turn around.

Ignoring his inability to have a normal conversation, I began, sounding a lot more desperate then I needed to. "Randy…I just…what's wrong? What did I do?"

Randy turned around, eyes brimming with tears. It broke my heart to see him so torn. "Please Randy, talk to me." I begged, stepping closer to him. My arms wrapped around his broad shoulders as he broke down, sobbing. His head fell into the crook of my neck. I ignored the shiver that ran down my spine.

"Shh….baby, just talk to me. We can figure it out," I tried to soothe him, rubbing his back rhythmically at the same time.

He pulled away, just enough to look into my eyes. His forehead rested against mine for support, "I can't do this. It's too hard. The feelings, the emotions? I've never felt anything like this…and I'm…I'm scared." He paused, talking a shaking breath, and then continued to rip out my heart from my chest, "I tried, I really did…Do you realize how hard this is for me? I can't…I mean…you used to be my best friend. My best GUY friend." He stepped away, and the warmth left my body entirely. "I just…I don't understand my feelings for you. I can't. I don't know if I want to."

He finally confessed. I watched as his shoulders relaxed slightly, like a load had been taken off. But all he had done, was put it on me.


	19. It begins 2

Those words hurt so bad I didn't even think I could cry. I was in shock. Every part of my body ached, but my eyes simply refused to cry. To show the real emotion going through me, frustration, fear, hurt, betrayed…my reply? "Okay." I was ready to leave at that. I didn't want him hurting me anymore than he already had, than he already did. But the words slipped out of my mouth, they were in disgust, pure hatred, none of which I felt at that moment. "It was wrong anyway." And then I walked away.

That was that. 5 months of torturing myself over him. 1 month of completely and utter loss and confusion and nothingness, 1 day of risks, 3 days of pure bliss, and now? It's over. Finished. 1 day to end it all. It was so simple. Too simple. I should have fought for him, but I had no more strength. So I walked away.

"Wait…John! Wait! It's not what I meant!" Randy's voice called after me. Just the way my name slipped from his lips made my heart pound against my chest. Anticipation. I didn't want him to seem I was too eager. He didn't want to let go. I turned around to face him.

"I-I mean…" he stuttered. Completely flustered. He ran a shaking hand through his hair to try and control his nerves. "I mean I…I meant what I said. I didn't lie to you. It's the complete truth. I don't know what I'm doing, I'm scared, I don't trust my feelings…" I wanted to interrupt him. Tell him neither did I. But I didn't. And he continued. "I just…I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want you to suffer along side me while I try and figure things out. I don't want to hurt you. You mean too much to me. In every way possible."

The man had a way with words. I felt my head begin to swim, I was getting dizzy from so many emotions. He really meant it. Randy rarely lied in serious situations. I wanted to tell him it's okay, I'll stand by side through anything if he'll let me. Even if he won't let me. But my betrayed and broken heart replied for me, "It's too late for that. You've already hurt me. So much. Too many times," My legs moved from underneath me and I felt myself walk away. It's like I was watching, not acting.

"This can't be it. You can't just leave it at that, you can't…"

"I can,"

"But John, we haven't really even gotten together for you to break us apart. It's only been three days!" He'd been counting? I wanted to turn around, run into his arms, but I didn't. I managed to stop my robotic legs from moving though. "It-it was our first fight…we…"

I was completely detached, "that wasn't a fight. We didn't have a fight. Did you hear any yelling? I sure didn't. It was just you telling me the truth, which don't get me wrong, I thank you very much for opening my eyes. The truth is Randall you can't handle a complicated relationship. You can't even get close to anyone like that. The minute it gets serious, you're gone before the door can hit you on your way out. You can't handle anything remotely serious, and you know, one day, you'll end up all alone."

Randy's face paled. A shade of white I never thought possible on a human. His eyes watered and his lips trembled. The strong 31 year old I knew broke down in front of me once more, looking like a 7 year old who couldn't find his parents at the mall. I was ready to take him back just like that, if my body would only let me.

"Please I need you. I didn't mean to hurt you. Just don't go. I don't want to be alone."

I wanted to wrap my arms around him. My poor baby. But I didn't. "Why did you make me suffer when you knew you felt the same way I did? Why did you hurt me like that?" I heard myself ask the question that had been burning the back of my mind.

His eyes bored into mine. "If I tell you, will you stay?"

"Stay here?"

Randy nodded.

"Yeah, I'll stay Randy,"

I sat down, Randy sat beside me, he refused to look at me.

"What if I told you I don't know?"

I rolled my eyes, getting ready to get up.

"No, wait! I'm not done." He grabbed my arm, panic written all over his face. So innocent. His touch sent electric shocks up the length of my body. I tried to keep my breathing labored as I sat back down. Why didn't I just give in? I love him. So much. I don't need an explanation. I just need him. But I stayed silent as he explained.

"God John, I don't know what happened. I don't remember when I started having feelings for you, maybe a month ago? I just…I wasn't sure what the hell it was at first, but when I figured it out, I couldn't understand. I liked girls. I did," he tried convincing himself. "I still do. But…you…and…I….you messed me up…I was so lost…I don't know. When you told me you had feelings for me too at first I thought you were messing with me, you know? Messing with me 'cause you knew I had feelings for you. But when I realized that wasn't it….I…" he stopped, took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"I was scared".

I didn't want anything to happen…between us…and I thought that if you somehow found out I liked you….it would happen. Just like it did. I just…I don't know w hat to do, I don't know what to think. I don't know if I want this…" he looked into my eyes, desperately searching for acceptance. He hadn't done that since he was 16 years old.

I was sweating, I was nervous, but I grabbed him into a tight hug. I felt him relax against me. "I'm so sorry," he mumbled.

"I know," I whispered.

"You aren't mad?" He asked pulling away.

"Would I have hugged you if I was?"

He shook his head and smiled. But his face grew serious once more. "John…I-"

"Randy…it's okay. I don't care how you feel about the whole us thing. We can take our time. Do whatever. Okay? I want to be by your side when you figure this out, is that okay?"

He nodded again.

"Good. I love you, you know."

"I love you too," and we embraced. Like two best friends trying to sort out the pieces of the most complicated puzzle…called their lives.


	20. Excuse Me!

A/N: Thank you guys for beings o patient with me… I couldn't get the chapter up due to personal issues at home and on twitter.. ;) Now onto the story.. New character Joins! ENJOY!

"Why is it I always catch you two like this?"

Randy and I flew apart and fell to the ground. Shawn stood there laughing and shaking his head. "You know, I'm surprised no one else has!"

"Shhh," Randy laughed. "Jesus, could you have said that any louder?"

"Yeah, here watch. Randy and Jo-"

"Shawn!" Randy and I both yelled in unison. He smiled and raised his hands in surrender, backing away, "alright, alright!"

"What is it you want?"

Shawn smiled, "nothing. Just…we've gotta get goin'. "

"Fine. Thank you. Goodbye." I replied.

"Alright, but just remember for next time, I'm the one with ALL the info. I could be a serious threat!" He informed us before walking away triumphantly.

"HE wouldn't," I smiled, reassuring Randy who looked panicked. "He was just kiddin', you know Shawn."

He chuckled, "yeah. I know Shawn"

"Randy?"

"Hmm?"

"Could you stay?"

"Stay?"

"Yeah, stay."

"Alright,"

"Just for tonight,"

"Yeah, I know. Sure."

My skin was tingling, bringing me out of unconsciousness. I woke up by the delicate feel of fingertips at my neck. Fuck that felt good. His hands traveled down my neck to my T-Shirt. I don't think I ever wanted to rip a piece of clothing off so quickly in my life. I shivered as his fingers continued their trip down my back, following the dip in my back. My mind was reeling, I couldn't think straight. I could only close my eyes and let the feelings wash over me.

"Randy," I whispered hoarsely.

"You're awake," he whispered back.

I nodded. He stopped his exploration down my back. I wanted to cry. "Don't stop. Please," I couldn't believe how strangled my voice was and I could almost see his eyebrow rise.

His fingers returned and I moaned. I tried not to make much noise, I knew he was still trying to figure things out, but his hands work magic and I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out. They traced the hem of my shirt before slipping inside to my burning hot skin. I jerked feeling his cold fingers on my skin, but I loved it. I needed it. I wasn't surprised to find myself rock hard.

"John?"

"Hmm,"

"I have no clue what I'm doing," he confessed. Adorable. I turned around in his arm to face him.

"Just do what feels right. What you would think is going to feel good." I tried. I knew that's what I'd do.

He nodded, but still didn't start. He looked nervous. Hell I was nervous. I lightly took his hand and placed it on my chest. He watched his hand as I brought it slowly down my chest. His fingers were burning their way through my shirt, sending shocks down my spine. I closed my eyes to keep myself under control and let his hand go. I could feel it shaking slightly, it made my heart swell. He was nervous. He was scared he wasn't going to do this right. He actually cared to do it right.

Randy moved himself closer to me, accidentally rubbing his leg against me. The sensation was completely unexpected and so incredible, I groaned loudly. He looked at me shyly and backed away. I knew he wasn't ready.

"Ra-" I cleared my throat, "Randy, it's okay. We don't have to. Could you just lie with me?"

He sighed in relief and I suppressed a smile. He turned me around and spooned me from behind. His body curved against mine perfectly. I tried to slow my breathing down and ignore the dull ache in my groin but it was hard. His breath against my neck, his body against mine, this was going to be hell.

The phone rang, waking us up for the second time today. Randy leaned over me and picked it up. " 'Lo?" He was silent for a moment. Obviously listening to the other person on the line. I began to panic. Last time, it wasn't good.

"Yes. Again. Un-huh. I know. Do it again, okay?" Randy sounded suddenly irritated.

"Randy?" I whispered. He held up a finger. One minute. Sure. Fine. I could wait. Then have you spaz at me later.

"Okay, fine. Bye." He stated before hanging up the phone and turning to me.

"Shawn"?

He nodded.

"Looking for you this time?"

He nodded again. I closed my eyes. This was gonna be hard to avoid. Ever. "You okay?"

He nodded.

"I'm serious now. If you lie, we won't be getting anywhere. I need to know how you feel."

His gaze fell to the bed. So he was hiding something. He got up and walked over to his clothing he left last night on the ground and struggled to put his pants on. Yup. This was how it was going to be. I fell back against the bed and threw a pillow over my head.

"Leave," I mumbled through the pillows.

"I'm trying," he replied as he almost tripped over the vacant pant leg.

"I'm serious,"

He looked up, puzzled. I placed the pillow lower on my body so I could see him. "Why are you like this?"

"Like what?" He seriously had no clue.

"I ask you a question, you ignore me. I try and talk, you don't listen. You lie. You hide. Why are you making this so hard?"

"Because it is hard!" He yelled, finally breaking.

"Too hard?" I tried to ask, but came out as more of a whisper. I wasn't letting him go.

"Yes. Maybe. No. I don't know!" He screamed in frustration running a hand through his matted hair. His sexy matted hair.

I nodded back, tears brimming my eyes. "Fine," I whispered.

He looked at me with a pained expression on his face, then it softened slightly. "I have an idea,"

I raised an eyebrow in question.

"How about we don't wake up together?"

"What?" I asked.

"We seem to have problems waking up in the morning, without yelling at each other or leaving, or threatening to leave…" He smiled.

"You seem to have problems waking up in the morning with me." I corrected.

His smiled faded. "Fine. Forget it."

Sometimes he's such a baby, "Randy…I'm sorry. That's not what I meant." Yes it was.

"Yes it was," wow he's a mind reader too.

"Fine. That's what I meant. But don't leave."

"I knew I was right," he muttered under his breath pulling his shirt over his head.

"What?"

"I shouldn't have started this,"

"But you did,"

"Yeah, I did,"

"So now what?"

"Now, I don't know. Give me some time?" He asked. His eyes were pleading with me to understand. Why didn't I listen to him? He wasn't ready. I knew that. I nodded. Fine. I'll give you some time. But please come back to me.

He nodded back, gave me a crooked smile, and opened the door. With that, he was gone. Again. The pain in my chest was getting worse. The pain. My heart. It was broken again. And I have just finished placing the pieces back.

But he just said he needed time. Not that it was over. It wasn't. So why were tears falling from my eyes?

A pounding at my door woke me up from my unfit full sleep. My feet dragged as I made my way to the door. My head was pounding from crying, my eyes were probably puffy and I probably looked like a wreck.

I was surprised to see whom I saw at the door.

I raise my eyebrow, my head pounding and my throat sore. I didn't feel like talking much.

"Can I come in?" He asked anxiously.

I nodded and let my hold on the door go so he could join me. He looked panicked. So obviously, I began to panic. He rarely panicked.

"What's wrong?" I whispered, my voice still scratchy.

"We have a problem,"

"We?"

He nodded, "we."

"Okay, so what's OUR problem?"

"Paul,"

"Paul?" I was gonna laugh at how I kept repeating everything he said.

"Paul,"

"What's wrong with Paul?"

"He thought you were having problems,"

"What kind of problems?"

"Member when you were depressed and miserable?"

"Un huh," where was he going with this?

"He thought it was because of Elizabeth."

"Liz?" There I go again.

"Yeah. Liz. He thought you missed Liz."

"Okay,"

"Okay? That's it?"

"Where are you going with this?"

"She's here."

"Who's here?" Was I becoming delirious? I was too tired to think.

"Liz."

"She's here?" I whispered.

"Yeah. She's here,"

"Why?"

"Paul called her."

"Oh my God," I whispered. Practically falling off the bed.

This couldn't be happening. Not now. It couldn't be happening now. Liz. I tried to push her out of mind. It took me so long. But I did it. I stopped thinking about her. I stopped loving her. I stopped needing her. I forgave her for what she did.

She was out of my life. She was out of my fucking life! Why'd Paul have to bring her back in? Why? I can't handle it again. I barely survived the first heartache. She made me weak in the knees. I love her. I LOVED her. Loved her. Past. Holy shit. Shit. SHIT!

Memories flashed before my eyes. Pain. It was all I remembered. It was all I knew with her. My eyes began to water. She hurt me so badly I didn't think I'd be able to breathe again. I couldn't see her again. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't face her.

Why did part of me want to see her? It begged me to see her. Give her another chance. Let her in. I wanted to. Fucking badly. Shit! Randy. Randy. Think about Randy. I love Randy. I loved Elizabeth. Shit. SHIT!

"John?" he whispered worriedly, watching me break down.

"What do I do Shawn?" I whispered.


	21. Liz Randy Liz Randy Liz HELLLPP!

A/N: Alright Sorry again for the late update… Yall know the story.. Anyhoww! Erin I have your one shot written for ya. I just need to type it up and get it going… Girl I got hot writing it. LOL! Anyways Liz is in this chapter and in the story from now on! HAVE FUN! LOL

Air. I needed air. I needed to breathe and be able to think straight. I decided to take a walk down the hall. Maybe I'll go get some ice or something. Then again, I don't exactly need ice…or have a bucket…you know, now that I think of it, I could put it in a plastic bag. That'll work. Wow. And to think sometimes I actually have intellectual thoughts.

"John?"

My body froze in mid step. That voice. It was so soft. So vulnerable…so sexy. I didn't want to turn around. I wasn't. I couldn't. My breathing increased. I had to keep walking. I had to get away. My steps were quicker, I was determined to get to the icemaker at the end of the hall.

"John?" The voice was a little louder. But not enough to sound harsh. Simply determined …sexy…I shook my head. No. "Please John," and that was it. That was all it took. I gave in. I stopped. I turned around.

I was determined not to be affected by her. I couldn't be. I had Randy…well…I think I had Randy. And he was all I needed. Yet I gasped. As much as I knew it was going to affect me, I wasn't expecting her to look that good. She looked gorgeous. Stunning. God…

"Hey," she smiled a small cute little smile and walked timidly towards me. I had a sudden urge to step back, keep the distance between us, but I didn't. I let her come close. "It's been a while,"

I nodded. I couldn't speak. My heart was in my throat. My mind was still in shock. Was it possible she got any hotter?

"You look good," she looked me over. Fuck, so do you.

"You too," wow. I could speak.

She smiled, more full, such a beautiful sexy smile…especially when it reached her eyes. I shook my head. Again. God, this is bad.

"How've you been?" She asked. So sweetly. Her strap fell off her shoulder and I tried to will my eyes not to look. But I did. I watched how she brushed her soft, creamy shoulder with her well-manicured nails and brought the white cloth back where it belonged. I swallowed. Was I getting hard? Fuck.

"Fine, you?"

"I'm…I'm okay," she nodded, "But I miss you," she spoke hopefully. Her eyebrows would raise slightly and she'd shift her weight from one foot to the other. She was nervous. She was being hopefully. Nervous.

I shouldn't know. It wasn't my place to be able to read her. Dammit.

"Has Paul spoken with you lately?"

I shook my head. He hadn't. Shawn had.

"So you have no idea why I'm here?" She laughed lightly. It sent a shiver down my spine.

I shook my head once more. That seemed to be working out fine.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed. I feel so stupid," she covered her mouth with her delicate hand. The hand that could work me until I screamed…

"It's okay," it wasn't. It really wasn't. Shit.

"No no, this must look absurd. After everything…I'm sorry, I'm gonna…go," she turned, her blonde hair flipped over her shoulder with the motion.

I tried to stop myself. But I felt my hand reach out to stop her. I touched her shoulder lightly and felt a shock run through me. "Don't go, it's okay," my voice sounded inviting. I didn't want it to. That's not what I meant!

She turned and smiled. "Really? You sure?"

NO. No. Absolutely not. Get out of my life now! "Yeah, sure. We'll get you a room and everything. Don't worry about it," at least I made it clear she wasn't staying with me.

She nodded, catching my drift, "sure. Thank you,"

"No problem,"

"I really missed you," her eyes were mesmerizing

"I missed you too," I heard myself say. Shit! She smiled. I couldn't help but mirror it. This was going to be bad.

I practically ran to my room and locked the door behind me. I took a deep breath and let my head hit the door as I relaxed. Or at least tried to.

I needed Randy. I needed Randy now. He'd help me out. He'd help me forget her.

But he wasn't here.

My stomach knotted. How could this get any worse? The dull ache in my pit of my stomach reminded me. No. It couldn't get any worse.

I promised Randy I'd be there for him. That I'd wait for him. He trusted me. I couldn't betray his trust.

Elizabeth Even thinking her name got me even harder. I couldn't betray Randy's trust. I wouldn't. Would I?

I needed to get rid of my problem. It wasn't letting me think clearly. I walked to my bed and shed my clothing along the way. I slipped into the covers and wrapped my hand around my cock. I moaned loudly. God that felt good.

An image of Elizabeth fucking me with her mouth flashed in front of my eyes, making me moan again. My eyes flew open. Shit! Randy. Randy. I closed my eyes again and saw Randy doing the same. My hand moved quicker and my heart began to slam against my chest. Fuck Randy, yes.

It didn't take long. Watching images of Randy always got me quickly. I was almost there. Almost. God I needed this. So badly. Mmmm, fuck.

I opened my eyes to see Elizabeth instead of Randy. "Elizabeth," I moaned. So close.

But once I realized the name I said, I stopped. I was so close, but I stopped. I couldn't believe I had the strength too, I was practically shaking. I felt like I was going to cry. I needed my release so badly my vision was blurry. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. Not with Liz. With Randy Images of Randy! Only Randy. I closed my eyes but Liz remained in the same position.

"Fuck," I cursed in frustration. I felt my heart beat in my head. I was breathing so hard it hurt. I needed to come. Fuck, I was torturing myself.

I got up quickly and ran to the shower. Cold, freezing water.

It was cold, but not cold enough. I was still so hard. I couldn't get rid of it. I closed my eyes, pictures of Elizabeth blurred my vision.

I couldn't.

My hand reached for my hardon once more.

I can't.

I held it tightly, moaning.

I won't.

My hand began to move slowly.

Not with Liz.

I stroked myself harder, in need of release.

She hurt me.

I moaned.

She'll hurt me again.

I moved faster. I was so close.

I don't want to be hurt.

I was there.

I don't want to hurt Randy.

"Oh God!" I hit my impending orgasm with a strangled cry.

I don't want to hurt Randy.


	22. It Begins!

"Can't you just send her home or somethin'?"

"I'm not the one who invited her,"

"She can't be here,"

"Why? You love Randy." There's nothing to worry about," Shawn concluded. Yeah, it's that easy. Sure. Whatever.

"Shawn-"

"She's just here as…as a friend,"

"Shawn, she thinks I wanna get back together with her,"

I could tell he was suppressing his laughter. "Are you serious? Well, set her straight,"

"I can't just set her straight,"

"Yes you can,"

"It's not that simple,"

"Yes it is,"

"Shawn,"

"John…" Man is this guy stubborn.

"I can't-"

"You are such a pessimist,"

I rolled my eyes and began to walk away. Realizing I was now annoyed he jogged up beside me, "okay, so maybe I do understand somewhat, I mean….she's a huge part of your life….almost seven years of your life…but why can't you just ignore it or something?"

"It's not that easy,"

"You're right, its not," he agreed.

He rarely agreed. Shit. "What?"

"I just realized something,"

My stomach formed a tight knot, " what?"

He looked over at me and noticed my stress, "oh no. It's nothing, it's fine. Seriously," he tried to reassure me, and began walking slightly quicker.

I caught up with him in a flash. "Shawn. You suck shit at lying. Tell me. I'm dead serious."

He stopped walking, and took a dramatically long pause before turning to me, "it's just…" he stopped. I gave him an annoyed look, "Paul might have asked her to um…do stuff with us,"

"What do you mean?"

"In short? She's gonna be with us…like, twenty-four seven."

I had forgotten Cody and Paul became really close with her. Shit. At least she wasn't going to be attending anything business related. I wouldn't have to think about her then. "And when I said twenty-four seven, I meant it. Press conferences, photo shoots, rehearsals, etc…Paul's making sure she feels welcome."

Welcome. Hah!

I sat nervously, pulling at the end of my shirt. He'd be down any minute. How would he react? What would he do? I bent my head down and wiped the end of my shirt against my forehead. I was sweating. The entire rest of the tour relies on how he takes this. The entire rest of my life depends on the way he take this.

He stepped out of the elevator and made his way over to us. I felt my heart flutter, God he was gorgeous. His hair was freshly washed, he wore a hooded sweater and jeans that just…hung off his hips so right. I swallowed hard and averted my eyes. No need to be staring.

He hasn't noticed. Maybe he won't. Yeah. Right. Maybe he won't notice the tall blonde standing next to me that's NOT him. His gaze fell over me, I tried to smile. It felt strained. Fake. He frowned. Asking what was wrong. It was only yesterday we decided we should back off, the things he must be thinking. Before I could answer his unspoken question, his eyes averted from mine, even though I tried so hard to keep them there, and moved to my side.

The side with the tall Brunette

The side with the tall brunette that was not Randy Orton


	23. What?

"Elizabeth"

"Randy, hi." Elizabeth greeted him warmly. "I've missed you,"

Randy nodded. The feeling wasn't mutual. What the hell was she doing here?

There was an awkward silence between the two before Elizabeth turned to me. "John, do you wanna go ahead? We can get a bite to eat before you've gotta be at the rehearsal."

Get a bite? Before rehearsal? Was she serious? I felt the panic rise in my throat and I shut my eyes tightly willing my breakfast to stay down. This so did not look good. I glanced at Randy, who was just watching us. I couldn't read his expression. Please Randy, understand, it's not what it looks like. "Uh-"

"Sure he will, won't you John?" Paul asked I think he was glaring at me. Was that a threat?

I couldn't say yes. Randy wouldn't understand. "Sure," the words escaped my lips and I felt myself move to the door with Elizabeth by my side. My stomach was in knots. It was like I couldn't control anything I was doing. I knew what Randy must have been thinking. I stole a glance, he was watching us. I had to talk to him. I had to tell him what was going on.

"I'll be right there, I just gotta talk to Randy for a sec," and before she could protest I was running back to Randy.

"Randy, I need to-"

"Did you leave Elizabeth there?"

"Paul, I told her I was gonna be a minute. Chill," got I hated when he took that tone with me.

"Randy, please…I need to talk to you," I was begging. His eyes were still unreadable.

He nodded. Thank the Lord. We walked to the side of the room. "It's not what it looks like I just-"

"Why are you making excuses?"

"Wh-…what?"

"Why are you making excuses? It's fine. Seriously. And you don't have to, it's not like we're anything," I stared at him in shock. Had Randy just said those words? True, we weren't technically together, but still. We were something. We had to be. We were less then twelve hours ago.

"Bu- I… Randy…we-" he silence me with his hand.

"Elizabeth's waiting," his tone was again unreadable. I didn't know what to say. What was I supposed to do? In shock I walked back to where Elizabeth was waiting and we walked out of the hotel together. I was too dazed to realize she hooked her arm through mine and leaned on me the entire way to the restaurant. What was I getting myself into?

"Maybe we should be heading back," I said glancing at my watch.

"Aw John, come on! Please?" God she was beautiful. The way her lip pouted just slightly. So innocent. My heart quickened. I shook my head trying to rid it of the nasty thoughts in my head. Elizabeth and I were over. I was with Randy…so to speak.

"I'll buy you an ice cream cone," she taunted. I was going to laugh, but then I realized what she was implying. After she agreed to marry me, we spent the entire night in my hotel room…ice cream…chocolate syrup…strawberries…it was incredible. I found myself getting hard just at the thought and my breath quickened.

"We really should get back," I repeated, my breathing uneven. I felt stupid. Weak.

"John," she whispered seductively, grazing her lips with my ear, "Lets go back to your hotel room."

My head was spinning, I couldn't think straight. She couldn't be doing this to me. I wouldn't allow her. I didn't want her…okay that wasn't true. God I wanted her. I wanted her so much I was starting to scare myself. What would I do? How far would I go? Her breasts were pressed against my chest. I inhaled her intoxicating sent. God I missed her. I needed her. My pants were beginning to become painful. I needed them off. I needed to get off…

"No!" I suddenly shouted, scaring her and myself in the process. We both jumped out of each other's arms.

She cocked her head to the side, studying me intently. "You know you want to,"

" I don't," I whispered. I never remembered her being so seductive.

"You do, your body is telling me you do," she was against me again, and her hand trailed its way down my chest. I could hardly breathe, my need of release was getting the better of me again. I couldn't think straight. I felt so helpless. I wanted her so badly. I missed her. I loved her.

I pushed her hand away. I didn't love her. I couldn't love her, could I?

"Please, we need to go, I can't be late," I said in a surprisingly stern voice.

"We're already late,"

"Elizabeth…" this was starting to get annoying. I could so handle avoiding her. She had no control over me.

"What's holding you back? You know you want me. I want you. Baby, I'm sorry for what I did. I was nervous, I was scared…but it's in the past. You told me you forgave me. Poohbear, I miss you so much." Her voice was so soft. She could always get through to me. Always. She always managed to convince me or make me do things. I could melt under her gaze if she held in long enough.

"Lizzie-"

"John, let's start over. I know you are just trying to protect your pride. I understand. But Paul told me you've been upset since we broke up, that you've changed. John, I don't want you to change."

Paul thought Elizabeth was my problem? I wanted to laugh out loud. She wasn't my problem…well…maybe she was. I'm so confused I could cry. Was she my problem? Was Randy my problem? Why couldn't I just…choose?

But Randy wasn't for the taking though. It really wasn't like anything was holding me back. I didn't have Randy. I didn't have Elizabeth… I could have Elizabeth, but I didn't. Nothing was holding me back.


	24. romance

I brushed my shoulders off and straightened my shirt before walking into the arena. I have to make it look like nothing happened. Randy needs to know nothing happened. I opened the big metal doors and walked through cautiously, never too careful with the fans and waved to the guards.

Nothing really happened…

"Hey Randy,"

We just kissed…

"Hey J,"

A lot…

"What's up?"

That was all…

"Nuthin', you're late bro…where'd you guys go?"

I'm not with her…

"Um…" I'm not with her…I'm not with her… "Traffic, sorry…we got stuck in traffic."

He nodded, and walked back to the stage where Paul was yelling at the rest of the guys. She whirled around, "and where the hell were you?"

I jumped back slightly, completely caught off guard…what was it I had said to Randy?

"Traffic woman, chill." Randy answered for me. I smiled thankfully at Randy, he winked in response. I felt my heart flutter for a second, before the guilt hit. It weighed my heart down instantly, what had I done? It was just a kiss… but I still felt like so much more. I cheated on him.

"Come on man, let's go. You were late, whatever, but don't just stands there, Paul will kung fu your ass when she gets back," Randy smiled.

I cheated on him. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, but I moved to his side anyway, taking my position for the next practice move that we were gonna practice..

"Randy, will you stay?"

"Will I what?"

"Stay,"

"But-"

"I know, I know. Not like that. Will you just stay with me? Like we used to do when you got homesick?"

"Yeah, okay. Sure."

I woke up feeling a strong pair of arms wrapped around me. I smiled. Randy stayed. I turned around slowly in his arms to catch a glimpse of the sleeping beauty beside me. God he was gorgeous, my heart slammed against my chest when I felt him pull me closer. My breathing quickened, but I tried desperately to calm it; I didn't want to wake him. He looked so peaceful. So beautiful. I loved him so much. I brushed my fingertips over his face lightly, I had to touch him. He stirred, I froze. I know I wasn't supposed to, but I couldn't help it.

My eyes went wide in shock when he pulled me closer. He laid me across his chest, and my head began to spin. His arms wrapped around me once more and pressed me into his body. Oh fuck. I moaned softly feeling myself get hard instantly.

His hands traveled up my back into my hair, sending shocks throughout my entire body. I opened my eyes to see his still closed. He was still sleeping. I tried to pull away, but his arms locked around me. His hand was on my neck and pulled me closer.

My lips touched his and I felt the heat rise in my body. I shuddered from the intense shock it sent through me. Oh my God. He still fucking wants me. It may be subconsciously, but some part of him does. I didn't want to pull away anymore, I kissed back, and I moaned into his mouth when his tongue parted my lips.

The kiss got intense fast, and I was having a hard time catching my breath. Too many sensations were soaring through me. I was still on a little high from when I found out he still had feelings for me. My God, what this boy could do. His hands were everywhere. I couldn't breathe. His hands came down onto my hips and he began rotating against me. I let out a loud moan as my head fell into the crook of his neck. So hot. So fucking hot.

His lips found mind, and for a second, my head cleared. This was wrong, but much as I loved this, it was wrong. I tried to pull away, but his hips pressed harder against mine. I bit my lip to keep from responding from the pressure, not good. Not good. My God, he's incredible.

"Randy, please…" I whimpered. "Stop." He stirred, he was probably awake, but not fully. I didn't want him to stop. I really didn't. "Randy…" my voice was still strangled. His hips kept up the steady pace as his eyes fluttered open. "My God, Randy…please…stop."

His eyes were wide now, he was registering the situation. He probably realized how out of breath and hard he was. He looked at me, frowning. Then his eyes widened as he pushed me off of him.

"No no Randy, that's – that's not what it- no Randy! I wasn't-" I stuttered, I had just realized what he probably thought I was doing. I would never! Oh God,

"Joh…"

"Please Randy, listen to me. I didn't mean to. You…you kissed me. It-it wasn't – I didn't-"

"John. It's okay. I heard you asking me to stop. I believe you," Randy continued to try and gain his breath.

Relief washed over me, but I then realized how hard I was. I was throbbing and I needed…

"John?"

"Mmm?"

I remembered he still wanted me.

"I-I'm sorry,"

"It's okay,"

"I'm really sorry,"

"Randy, I swear, it's okay. You didn't mean to," I closed my eyes, I tried so hard to calm myself. He noticed it.

"John, I-"

"You were asleep, you didn't know."

"But I mean, I can…" he stopped, and glanced over me, making sure to let his eyes linger on the tent in my boxers, "Joh, I can help…"

His voice sounded suggestive. Was he…

"Randy?"

"John," he began crawling to where I was sitting. My heart was pounding in my head. He wasn't thinking clearly. He couldn't be.

"Randy, don-"

"Don't tell me you don't want me to. That you don't want me. Let me help you," His hand pushed at my chest, and I allowed him to lie me unto the bed.

"Randy," I moaned when his head came down to my neck.

A knock at the door made Randy freeze. I groaned in protest, as our eye met, none of us making a move to get the door.

"John?" The soft voice called.

Randy shut his eyes and fell against me.

Elizabeth


	25. It's Not what You Think

"Aren't you going to get that?"

I turned my head toward him.

"There's someone at your door." Thank you for stating the obvious. The truth was, I didn't want to see her. I didn't want Randy to see what her presence could do to me. I love Randy. I want to be with Randy. Why can't I get rid of her? Why can't I get her out of my head?

"I'm not here," I concluded, wrapping my arms around him.

"Yes you are," he correct me.

My eyes narrowed. He wanted me to open the door. He wanted to see me with Leigh.

"Randy, I-"

"Go on, I'll be right here."

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Why?"

"Randy," I whispered harshly, now suddenly paranoid that she might be able to hear us.

"What John?"

"You're in my bed, in only boxers, in the morning. What do you think that looks like?"

"Whatever it really was,"

I sighed in frustration. The knock persisted, "one second!" I called out. Then hushed my voice, "Randy, would you still be there in my bed if it were Paul on the other side of the door?"

"I would if it were Shawn," he crossed his arms.

"Randy, I'm pretty sure the last time I checked, Shawn's voice didn't suddenly jump 4 octaves higher!"

Randy looked away in annoyance. He wasn't moving. "Randy!" I whispered again, which was pretty loud.

"Fine!" He grabbed his clothes and stormed into the bathroom. Sighing, I went for the door, forgetting I was in my boxers, in only my boxers, not to mention a slight problem.

I swung the door open and my breath caught in my throat. She was stunning, as usually. I licked my lips unconsciously as my eyes traveled up her body.

"Good morning,"

" 'Morning," I mumbled.

"You look…bad, what's wrong?"

I sighed, she could always see right through me. "Nothing, woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

I was still holding the door, for some reason, I thought it if she could see the closed door of the bathroom then she could probably see through the door and tell that Randy was in my room.

"Can I come in?" She asked.

So sweet.

I glanced back down at her legs. So firm, so smooth in that hot sundress. I swallowed hard. "Um…actually no. I'm gonna try and get some more sleep."

"Please?" She smiled. So sexy.

I nodded. I couldn't say no. I let the door go and sat back on the bed.

"So, did you think about yesterday?"

"Yesterday?"

"Mmm hmm," when did she move to my side? I stiffened completely. Her breath on my neck made me freeze. No. No reaction. No reaction.

"N-n –no….I…I didn't,"

I stuttered.

Fuck.

She smiled sweetly, she placed a hand on the side of my cheek. I closed my eyes at the touch. "I thought I convinced you. I could convince you again,"

She leaned into me and I was still frozen. I couldn't move. Her lips grazed my and I instantly parted my lips.

"Am I convincing?"

She pressed her lips against mine. I moaned. Such soft lips.

Almost as soft as Randy's.

Randy.

Holy fuck.

I pulled away suddenly. Shit, shit!

"Um, I think you should go,"

"I don't,"

"Please, I don-"

She placed a finger on my lips silencing me. "Fine. I'll go, but don't think I won't try and…convince…you again, because I will. I love you,"

She leaned forward once more, and it took all my will power to turn away. She smiled, and nodded her head. She got up from the bed and walked to the door.

"I'll be waiting for you,"

I pursed my lips together and nodded. She closed the door. I sighed in relief. That was so close. I tried to catch my breath before I went to tell Randy it was okay to come out.

Instead, the door swung open, and a very agitated, might I add, dressed Randy stormed out of the bathroom.

My eyes widened. Had he heard? Oh shit no! It's not what it sounded like. God, she sounded so suggestive. Like we had actually done something. I didn't do anything. Practically…

"R-"

"Fuck you," he slammed the door behind him.


	26. Asshole!

A/N: I cannot believe how well this story is doing… Soooo We going to do another game Why Not? Whoever gets the 200th review will get a one-shot! Your Choice! ALRIGHT LETS GET THIS! START!

When the door slammed in my face, I stared at it in shock. Not again. Please. I almost had you. I felt my eyes water. I didn't mean to cry, I never mean to cry. But it seems like lately that's all I've been doing. Crying. Over him. I can't hurt like this anymore. My heart literally aches and I just…can't take it. I can't control my feelings for him, and I can't control my feelings her. I can't control anything in my life anymore. And I hate it. I hate the way they make me feel so helpless.

I wiped my eyes and leaned against the door. I'm a man, and I can control this. I love Randy…I feel something for Elizabeth…I'm in trouble. But Liz wants me, Randy told me to go fuck myself. I guess that made my choice that much easier.

I slid to the floor. Since I'm giving up the one thing in my life that I care so much about, I deserve one more cry, don't you think?

"I think he's doing much better, don't you think?" Paul smiled and looked over at Cody.

Shawn, who was reading a magazine on the chair next to Paul, shook his head. What an idiot. He had no idea what mess he just made.

Randy stormed into Paul's room and sat down on the bed. Shawn looked over and raised an eyebrow, but Randy stayed silent. He still felt awkward talking to Shawn about anything lately. Him knowing just…didn't sit well with Randy.

Paul turned toward Randy, "what's up?"

"Fuck you," Nick growled.

Paul raised his eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

"I'm really not in the mood for your shit,"

"Then why'd you come into my room?"

" 'Cause everyone else is here and I need to keep busy."

"Why?"

"Will you just shut up?"

Paul's eyes flared, but Shawn shook his head lightly telling Paul telepathically not to get into anything.

Paul rolled his eyes and resumed his conversation with Cody.

"Yeah, I think you are right,"

"I know, it's so good for him, too…don't you think?" Paul smiled.

"Good for who?" Randy asked.

Paul looked over at Randy, "I thought you didn't want to talk to me?"

"Good for who?" Randy repeated.

"John," Cody smiled.

"What's good for John?" Randy practically spit out his name.

"Elizabeth," Paul concluded. Quite bluntly.

"You're not serious?" Randy asked, his mouth dropped in shock.

"I am,"

"You brought her here?"

"Yeah," Paul felt proud. He'd done something good for his brother, finally.

"You idiot!" Randy screamed before slamming the door behind him, leaving two confused boys and one who was getting a migraine.


	27. New Roomie

**Sooo Sorry for not updating you guys… Please Forgive me! I have been busy with lots of stuff and just more personal things… here is the next chapter**

We're leaving today. Rising early isn't one of my favorite things to do and anyone who's around me at that time…God help them. I jumped into the shower, packed what I had taken out of my bag and made my way to the lobby. I check my watch. 6:15. Pretty good. A couple of minutes to spare.

I walked through the hotel garage into the bus. I adjusted my backpack and looked around. This was Randy and my bus. How was this going to work? Where would Elizabeth stay?

I heard something behind me and turned around. Elizabeth made her way shyly over. I noticed her backpack.

"You're…"

"…Joining you? Only if you let me," Her smiled was perfect. It reached her eyes and let them sparkle.

I swallowed hard. "Join me? Sure…but…what about…"

"Randy?" I loved it when she did that. Finish my sentences. I nodded. "Oh, Paul's getting another bus and sticking Shawn and Randy on it. So we have this bus all to ourselves."

"Mmm hmm," she smiled innocently and made her way toward me. I braced myself for whatever, but she simply walked passed me further into the bus.

"I miss these buses," she exclaimed as she looked around the bus.

I nodded.

"So which ones mine?" She pointed to the bunk bed.

"Um…could you take that one?" I pointed to the top one. I don't know, something about sleeping off the ground didn't sit well with me, that…and I was kind of afraid of heights.

"Right! How could I forget?" She laughed lightly and placed her bag on the bed. I sat down in the nearest chair. I was about to spend 5 hours with her. I wasn't ready. I didn't have enough will power.

I looked just as she sat down in front of me. Her skirt was riding dangerously high and it took all I had not to look.

"Well there's a start,"

"Excuse me?" I was so sure she caught me almost looking.

"You didn't turn me down when I told you I was staying,"

"Eliz-" I began, but she cut me off.

"No no. That's not what I meant. I mean, that is what I meant, but I know what you're going through…"

I blushed fiercely and hoped to God she didn't.

"…do you have feelings for me?"

I nodded dumbly. She smiled. "Let me see if I get this right, you feel something for me, but you don't want to act on it because…" she paused, waiting for me to fill in. I blushed even a darker shade of red if that were possible. She noticed and continued, "…you're upset with me. You don't entirely forgive me and you're afraid of what will happen if we do get back together. You don't want me to hurt you again." She looked up at me, "is that it?"

I watched her for a moment. She was adorable. So vulnerable. She put herself completely on the line for that. She was partly right anyway. So I nodded. Yes that was it.

"John baby, you don't have to be scared. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, and I won't hurt you again," Elizabeth got out of her chair and kneeled in front of me, she placed her hands on my knees. "Will you give it a try?"

I blinked.

A try?

Why did part of me so desperately want to say yes?

Why did part of me so desperately want to say no?

Her eyes bored into mine, waiting for an answer.


	28. FUCK HIM!

**A/N: Sorry once again. Some of you know the situation I have been in this week. If not well today was the verdict of the man who killed my cousin and one other person and paralying another. There is a story I wrote about it if you want to read. It's called Never Gone! Anyways I'm back now.. Happy to say the least the asshole got what he deserved.. NOW NEXT CHAPTER! ENJOY!**

Before I could react, her lips were pressed to mine. Her perfume was intoxicating, I felt my head begin to spin. Her tongue slipped between my lips and ran over my teeth. I let her in, I couldn't fight my need for her anymore. Her hands came up and she ran her fingers through my hair, just the way she knew I liked to be touched. She played with my hair lightly, teasingly. She sucked my bottom lip until I moaned, and her lips continued their way down my neck. Sucking and nibbling.

She pressed her body against me, and I moaned when I felt my cock press against her. I felt her smile against my neck as she began unbuttoning my shirt. Why hadn't I wanted this before? God, it felt so right.

"John," she whispered when I slid my leg between hers. As I was working on her blouse, I checked the time. We only had 20 minutes. My eyes left the alarm clock on the table to the PS3. I shut my eyes tightly and tried to block him out as I slipped the blouse off her delicate shoulders. I couldn't think about him. Not now. I kissed it before removing the bra strap.

She cupped me through my pants and I moaned, almost inaudible, "Randy,"

My eyes flew open. SHIT! I can't think of him.

Holy shit I said that out loud! I disentangled myself from her and backed away. I was horrified! Had she heard? What would she have done? Why is he still in my head? I said that I was going to get rid of him. I don't need him!

"John! John!" Elizabeth tried getting my attention.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"That's okay, what's wrong?" Elizabeth asked, and I was kind of satisfied to see her out of breath and flushed. At least I had that effect on someone.

"Nothing,"

"John…"

"I'm fine," thank God. She didn't hear. But that was still so wrong. As much as I wanted her at that moment, my mind didn't.

"I-I have to go," I stammered.

I hadn't gotten off in the longest time and it felt like everyone was just teasing me. I needed my release, and it just didn't feel right to do it with her.

"John…wait!" She called after me. I ran off the bus and ran smack into something, knocking me right on my ass.

I heard laughing and I looked up to see Shawn staring at me from above and grinning. "Me strong like bull," he punched his chest and growled, "me hard as rock!"

"Loser," I mumbled, getting up and brushing myself off.

"What's um…" he started as his eyes drifted downward obviously noticing my crotch.

I blushed, "I have to go,"

"Is Randy in there?" Shawn pointed to the bus.

I looked behind me at the bus, trying to figure out what to say when Elizabeth appeared. Obviously. Shit couldn't get worse. I hung my head and looked back at Shawn.

His eyebrow rose over his sunglasses but he said nothing. He probably knew something was going on. "I have to go," I mumbled brushing past Shawn. Shawn turned to stop me, but Elizabeth caught him by the arm and asked him not too. Thank the Lord.

Everyone was still getting into their buses, so maybe I had the chance to talk to Randy before we left. I couldn't spend the next 8 hours alone with her on the bus, and I couldn't really let go of Randy.

I knocked timidly on the door.

"Jesus Shawn, I'm gonna kill you! Stop walking around! I'm not going to be here to open the door for you…" Randy trailed off when he opened the bus door.

He stared at me in shock for a second before looking me over. I braced myself, this is slightly embarrassing. His eyes roamed slowly over my lower torso. I shivered involuntarily, that look in his eyes was the last thing I expected to see, but I wasn't about to act on it. I had to tell him.

"Can…I come in?"

"Oh! Yeah…sure," he stepped aside to let me pass. The space was so tight I was almost completely against him as I past. I bit my lip to keep from moaning, and my heart from pounding. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

"So…" Randy looked around uncomfortably.

"So…"

"We're leaving soon, you may want to get back on your bus…" Randy motioned to the one right next to his own.

"It wasn't me! I had nothing to do with it!" I blurted out.

"I know. But, like I said before, you shouldn't be justifying yourself. I don't care. It's not my place to care." His face was stone. I felt my heart drop into my stomach yet again.

"But…"

"No, it's fine. I think you should leave,"

My eyes watered. I shouldn't have come. I knew this man only caused me pain, "I…"

"John, I asked you to leave,"

I nodded, completely deflated. I let a tear fall as I walked out of his bus, bumping into Shawn.

"Fucking shit! Watch where you're going!" I screamed, unleashing all my anger on him. I flinched from his reaction. "I'm sorry…"

"Whatever man, it's cool," Shawn smiled. I thanked him as he helped me up and walked back to my bus. It wasn't cool. It wasn't near cool. I was flaming. How fucking dare he! How dare Randy rip my heart out repeatedly. Fuck him! I stormed into my own bus, panicking briefly when I didn't see Elizabeth. She lay innocently on her own bed, reading a book. In a flash I was at her side, ripping her blouse off, making the buttons fly and sticking my tongue down her throat.

Fuck him!


	29. Over you

**A/N: Sorry once again. Some of you know the situation I have been in this week. If not well today was the verdict of the man who killed my cousin and one other person and paralying another. There is a story I wrote about it if you want to read. It's called Never Gone! Anyways I'm back now.. Happy to say the least the asshole got what he deserved.. NOW NEXT CHAPTER! ENJOY! **

**ANOTHER CHAPTER! **

The sheets were ripped, the bedspread on the floor below us, the clothes at our feet. It was animalistic. It was what we both needed. It was good.

But now I wasn't sure what to do.

"What happened?"

"What happened?" I repeated, not quite sure what she meant. She turned to her side, braced her head up with her hand and watched me. She simply nodded. I watched as her messy hair fell over her shoulder.

"I don't…"

"Don't lie to me. What happened out there that made you change your mind. What made you come back?" The light touch on my arm made my heart beat faster.

"I-I…"

"Are you back?"

I shut my eyes. Was I? I didn't know. All I knew was her touch that was sending shivers up my spine and I had a broken heart from a best friend who was a fellow coworker in the business.

She nodded in understanding. And leaned back into the pillow.

"No, that's not what I meant. I…I don't know. I'd-I'd like to give it a try, if you're willing to."

"A try?" Her eyes seemed to light up.

I couldn't help but smile, "perhaps…"

She punched me lightly in the shoulder, "perhaps?"

I laughed, "well yes madam, perhaps. Will you go out with me once more m' lady?"

She closed the tight space we were already in and answered my question for me. Her lips burned into mine and I knew I was doing the right thing. I just had to forget about a certain blonde boy.

When we finally stopped for food I was starving. It was a small dingy little diner and I didn't even know where the hell we were, but it was better than nothing. My stomach grumbled when I existed the bus, and I heard Elizabeth laugh lightly behind me. I did miss that. I missed it a lot. I turned around and stuck my tongue out at her, which only made her laugh harder.

As we made our way to the run down restaurant the rest of the buses pulled in, and my stomach tightened. Randy. I had forgotten about him. Completely. After Elizabeth and I made the decision to start over, we talked for hours…we talked about everything we missed out on each other's lives…I just circled around the Randy parts. I had never been so interested in someone's life. I was totally wrapped up in her. Which I missed too.

Elizabeth bumped into me from behind, "John baby, the restaurant's that way," her long manicured nail pointed the dingy shack. I nodded, but my eyes didn't leave Randy's bus as she pulled me to the door. I wanted to see him. But I didn't. I had this weird satisfaction that since Elizabeth and I were together and didn't need Randy anymore, and he wouldn't be able to hurt me again.

"Now, right here there's a step," Elizabeth warned me before I tripped over it. She didn't even ask what was on my mind, why I was staring out into space, she just accepted it. I missed that too. No probing questions. She cracked a smile but didn't laugh.

Once we got our food we found a big enough table to fit everyone in and sat down. It had been literally eight hours on the bus without Randy. Eight hours where I was truly happy.

Just then, he caught my eye from the sun and I looked up. There he was. But I didn't feel my heart quicken like it usually did when I saw him, it was more like it weighed down from all the pain he'd cause.

He caught my eye briefly before they flickered over to where Elizabeth was, and I didn't feel guilty. I was happy.

Shawn stormed in and I smiled. He was upset this wasn't Mickey D's. That boy will never grow up. Everyone got there food and made their way over to us. Randy sat oddly across from Elizabeth and the rest in other spots.

I was smiling. They hadn't seen me smiling in a long time.

Paul smiled briefly, "why so happy bro?"

Shawn's eyes met mine, and his face etched across in worry. Cody's face looked hopeful, mirroring Paul's. I didn't bother meeting Randy's because I knew he wouldn't be looking at me.

Elizabeth took the initiative, and touched my hand lightly over the table. I looked down at it and smiled.

"I knew it!" Paul cried out triumphantly. "I am so the man!"

I laughed as well as everyone else at the table. Except Randy. I risked a glance at him, his eyes were wide in shock and his mouth was hanging open. He was shocked? He should have been happy that I was out of his hair.

"Is it true?" The question came from Shawn, whose reaction I couldn't really decipher.

"Yeah," I smiled. "We're going to try it again," he nodded and looked down at the table.

"Can I talk to you a second?"

I glanced up at him, confused. "Sure,"

The entire table watched us go to the men's bathroom.

Once the door was securely closed he turned to me, took off his sunglasses and began while his eyes bored into mine. "Are you sure about this?" He asked leaning against the counter.

"Sure about what?"

"Elizabeth,"

I blinked.

"About getting together,"

"Yes," I smiled.

"You're smiling,"

"I know,"

"Why are you so happy?"

"Do you not want me to be?"

"I just don't understand. I guess I never will," he sighed turning to look at himself in the mirror.

"Understand what?"

He looked at my reflection. "When was it? Like, a month ago, you came crying to me. Or rather I found out and then you came crying to me. You were about to break if you didn't have him. Then you got him, and everything was perfect, and I don't know what happened, which I'm not going to ask because it's none of my business…but something happened, and you guys won't talk to each other. You were a wreck…"

"What about Randy, was Randy a wreck?"

He paused. Thought about it, "that's not really the point."

"That's exactly the point,"

He nodded.

"Are you truly happy, or is that new acting skills I see poking through,"

"I never was really good at acting," I smiled at his understanding. I was almost at the door when he asked me.

"So about Randy,"

I turned back to him, he was still leaning on the counter, this time facing me.

"What about Randy?"

"Do you still love him?"

"You can't get over someone in 8 hours,"

"Do you still love him?"

He knew how to get to the point.

"I don't break out into a sweat every time I see him, I don't start to shake."

"You didn't answer the question,"

"I don't know how to,"

"I think you do,"

"I'm completely confused," I thought it was truthful.

" Are you really?" And then he was past me and out the door.

My head began to spin and I had to hold it in my hands. I was so confused, so tired, and so not in the mood for this drama anymore.

My Stories


	30. YES I WILL

**A/N: Sorry once again. Some of you know the situation I have been in this week. If not well today was the verdict of the man who killed my cousin and one other person and paralying another. There is a story I wrote about it if you want to read. It's called Never Gone! Anyways I'm back now.. Happy to say the least the asshole got what he deserved.. NOW NEXT CHAPTER! ENJOY! **

**ANOTHER CHAPTER! LETTING IT ROCK TODAY! I UPLOADED 3 CHAPTERS FOR THE DAYS I MISSED! **

Everything was so clear less than two seconds ago. Or at least I thought it was. Fuck I hate this. When I finally calmed down enough to walk out of the men's bathroom, everyone was watching me. Wondering what happened. What Shawn had said to me. I sat down next to Elizabeth and avoided everyone's eyes, which didn't go unnoticed by Elizabeth who sighed and sat back in her chair.

She knew after cheating on me how easily the guys all turned against her, well…Cody and Paul did give her a chance and are friends with her, but that doesn't stop Randy and Shawn from hating her.

I looked up to meet Elizabeth sad eyes. She knew. She knew I wasn't sure anymore. Shawn had said something that hit home. Was I really confused? Or was it so clear and I simply pretended to be blinded by it?

I clear my throat, my appetite suddenly gone, "You almost done Liz?"

She looked at me for a second, blinked and looked around at everyone who was staring at her, glaring at her most likely. She wasn't wanted, but she knew somehow that nothing had changed between us. That I still wanted her. She nodded.

I stood up, "see you guys," I mumbled before I escorted her out of the stupid fucking diner.

"Are you okay?" She asked me so gently.

"No," I replied truthfully, giving her a wry smile.

She nodded and looked into the distance. Once we got to our bus, I let her step up first, helping her before getting on myself.

"It's funny how things can change in one second," she smiled sadly.

I nodded.

"I love you,"

"I know,"

"I want to try again,"

"I know,"

" So do you,"

"I know,"

"So what's the problem?" She asked quietly, almost shyly.

"Everything. Nothing. No…I don't know!" I sighed in defeat.

"Okay," she said in clear confusion.

"I'm not making any sense, I know. Just give me some time," those words hit me right after they were out of my mouth. Randy. 'Give me sometime.' My heart began to hurt and I felt like I was going to hurl. I love Randy. I seriously do. I couldn't deny it anymore. Fuck him. I went an entire 8 hours denying it. But that's as far as it went. I love him.

I looked up at her, she was simply beautiful and I felt my stomach knot. What was my problem?

"Take as much time as you need," she smiled, a genuine smile. She brushed the back of her hand across my face and I shivered, "I'll always be here waiting."

I closed my eyes and felt empty when she walked to her bunk. What was wrong with me? Was it possible to love two people at the same time? No. One was lust, one was love. I just had to figure out which on was which.

But a voice in the back of my head kept getting louder and louder as much and I tried to ignore it. 'Randy's gone. Randy doesn't love you. Elizabeth here. She loves you. Stay with her. Randy is wrong. Randy and you will never happen. It's wrong. Elizabeth and you will. Don't you want children? Randy and you will never be able to have that. Ever. No family. Nothing. Stay with Elizabeth and you can. Stay with her.'

A sob escaped my lips when I realized how true it was. How I could never have anything with Randy even if he did love me. It was so wrong. Even the bible said it was wrong. What was I thinking? I wiped my eyes and shook my head quickly trying to rid myself of thoughts of Randy. It would never happen. It should never happen.

I stood up and walked over to her bed, I rested my chin on the bed, the curtains weren't closed. I took that as a sign. "What are you listening to?"

"An Angel," she replied.

I frowned, but she handed me her headphones. I placed them on my ears and listened. Music flooded my ears with a melody I was all too familiar with.

_This is no ordinary love  
>And I can never have enough<br>Of all the things you've given to me  
>You're my heart, my soul, my everything<br>Every night I thank you lord  
>For giving me the strength to love her<br>More and more each day  
>I promise her as long as I hear those three words<em>

I smiled and handed them back to her. It warmed my heart to think she still listened to the music.

"It calms me, no matter what. I just listen to them, and I know everything's going to be okay," she smiled back at me.

"You borrowed that from Ryder didn't ya?," I answered still shocked.

She laughed, "of course Mr. Cena, he's not a backstreet fan either you know."

"Me?"

"Your voice," she replied.

I nodded and smiled. "I'm sorry about before, I guess…I just, needed to get a couple of things clear in my head, you know? Sort things out,"

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really," I laughed and hoped she'd understand.

She did. As usual. And smiled. She placed the earphones back on her ears, I could hear the rest of the song.

_Yes I will  
>Take your hand and walk with you<br>Yes I will  
>Say these three words that promise to<br>Yes I will  
>Give you everything you need and someday<br>start a family with you…_

My Stories


	31. Fight!

**A/N: yall know me how I am! UGHH! I've been sick these past few days and had trouble! But back to updating more often! There is 44 more chapters after this one! Also congrats to Scurvived one. 200****th**** review again she gets a another oneshot! I'lll be posting that up this weekend! ;)**

"You can't just sit back and let this happen," Shawn yelled in frustration.

"Let what happen?" Randy asked, completely confused.

They were back on the road and Randy was just getting into the new comic book he got in Sweden. He wasn't in the mood for Shawn's inspirational speech today, let alone any day.

Shawn sighed, still pacing the moving bus. "John. You can't let this happen!"

Randy rolled his eyes and brought his head back down to read his comic book.

"I'm serious," Shawn said before closing the comic book. Randy sighed and looked up at Shawn with a cocked eyebrow. "I've seen you two together, what is wrong with you? Why can't you see it?"

"See what?"

"Don't play dumb blonde,"

"See what?" Randy ignored the comment.

"See how you guys belong together. I've never seen you two happier. It's been like that since I can remember,"

"I don't see it," Randy responded flatly before reopening his comic book.

"Randy," Shawn warned.

Randy looked up, "what do you want from me? We tried it, it didn't work. Get over it, we did! As you can see, he's clearly moved on," if Shawn wasn't mistaken he could detect the slightest bit of hurt in Randy's voice. But then again, it could have been his overactive imagination. Too hopeful. He shook his head.

"First off, I want to know what happened between you two,"

"Shawn…"

"Randy, I couldn't be more fucking serious. I want to know. I've been dragged into this entire soap opera and I'm not going to let it go until you tell me what the fuck went on."

"You seriously can't make me,"

"I think you owe me at least that,"

Randy sighed, feeling defeated. He looked out the window of their tour bus and sighed again. He felt suddenly completely deflated and glanced at Shawn who sat patiently on the edge of his bed.

"You obviously know what happened before hand," Randy began.

Shawn nodded encouragingly.

"So after we got together, everything was fine…" Randy glanced up to see how Shawn was taking this, he felt so embarrassed talking about John like a past relationship. "Yeah, it was…it was more than fine. It was good. So we talked about it, and then we slept together…" realizing what he just said he began to panic, "not like that! That's not what I meant. We just fell asleep together…in the same bed…"

Randy was interrupted by Shawn's laughing. Shawn waved a hand at Randy, still chuckling, "I'm sorry, go on."

Randy rolled his eyes and went on, "it started the morning after. It hit me. When you called."

"When I called?"

"Yeah, when everyone was looking for John. I just…it felt so wrong. I couldn't deal with it. I never thought it would actually happen you know? So when it did…."

"Yeah, I get it. It must've been awkward."

"Completely. And it was wrong. I didn't know what to do. I was scared. And it was wrong."

"It's not wrong,"

Randy looked up, and for the first time Shawn noticed his eyes brimming with tears, but it could've still been his overactive imagination. That's what it was. "Isn't it?" He looked so fragile. So innocent. Sometimes Shawn forgot how old he was.

"It's not wrong. It's not near wrong. It's two best friends, who've loved each other and known each other for practically their entire lives, feeling an even deeper kind of love. It's more beautiful than wrong Randy."

"We even decided we'd figure it all out together. That was after I became all awkward and thought horrible things about us. He confronted me. I told him the truth. I told him I didn't want to do this, that I scared, and he agreed. I didn't think he'd agree, I thought he'd fight. So I fought. And in the end we decided we'd figure it out together."

"So what happened? Why aren't you in that bus with him right now?"

"Because…because we fell asleep together again, and when we woke up, the same thing happened. I realized I just couldn't do that. It felt wrong…"

"It's not wrong," Shawn interrupted.

Randy sighed and wiped his eyes, few tears had escaped his eyelids. "It felt wrong. And I couldn't do it. I asked him for time, and he agreed."

"And?"

"And then Elizabeth came into the picture…I have no fucking idea why I'm telling you all this," he sniffed and laughed uncomfortably.

Shawn smirked, "because I'm doctor Ruth."

Randy smiled, "yeah. Whatever."

"Do you still need time?"

"I stopped needing time a while ago,"

" So what's stopping you?"

Randy looked at Shawn like he was fucking idiot.

"Oh," Shawn nodded. "Elizabeth."

"Yeah, Elizabeth," Randy spit out her name. "It hurt. A lot. He asked me to stay one night and I ended up…we…started…"

"Yeah okay, I get it," Shawn began to blush. He didn't need details.

"And she came in."

"She caught you?" Shawn nearly shouted.

Randy laughed, "no. I was sent to the bathroom. And from what I heard she tried to convince him to try again with her. Convince…as in CONVINC E her to stay,"

"Yeah, I get it Randy. And now? Now what's stopping you?"

Randy paused. "Now they're together is what's stopping me."

"Doesn't hurt?"

"To see them?"

"Yeah,"

Randy nodded.

"So why don't you tell him?"

"I feel stupid,"

"That's your excuse? You feel stupid?"

"You don't understand. I told him I needed time. I didn't expect him to wait around, but I didn't expect him to jump on her the first chance he got. I felt stupid. I realized…I kinda did…sorta…I loved him. But it took her and him hooking up to make me realize it. Now it's just too late. I can't go to him now. I just can't."

"Are they married?"

"No…"

"Then it's not too late…and you know, now that I think of it…even if they were married, it's not really too late."

Randy laughed.

"So what are you going to do,"

"Nothing," Randy mumbled and eyed his comic book.

"I thought we just…"

"We did. I get it. I just don't know…"

"Don't know what?"

"I don't wanna get hurt J. I really don't."

"You're hurting now anyway, if you give it a shot and it fails…then you can do the whole mourning thing. Okay? But until then, you have to try. You have to fight for him."

Randy glanced at Shawn and began laughing.

"What?"

"I'm sorry," Randy said calming down, "I just…I never though you'd be giving me love advice."

"Well?"

"I'll fight for him Dr. Ruth," Randy made a fist in the air over exaggeratedly.

Shawn rolled his eyes, "So are you going to try?"

"I don't know how," Randy sighed.

"I can help," Shawn smiled.

"That's okay thanks," Randy eyed him warily.

"Fine, but I wanna know before it happens."

"Whatever HBK."


	32. Plan!

Randy paced the lobby to their new hotel room. He was so nervous he could cry. Shawn had convinced him to talk to John. Yet every minute he waited the more anxious he got.

"Relax man, before you burn a hole in the rug," Shawn commented from his spot on the couch reading a magazine.

Randy ignored him and continued pacing. He didn't know when he decided to finally admit his feelings…to Shawn no less, but he was seriously doubting it now.

He looked up as the doors swung open and saw Elizabeth and John holding each other and laughing. Randy bit back tears. Why was this hurting him so much? He shouldn't be feeling anything for Brian.

"Hey guys," John smiled.

But Randy did, and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Hey," Shawn called from his seat.

Randy didn't comment. He stood frozen in his place at the sight of how close John was with Elizabeth.

"Randy?" Paul waved a hand in front of his face making him blush. "Get your keys, we've got an hour before we've got to be back down here."

Randy stuck out his shaking hand and grabbed the keys before bolting for the elevator. But he wasn't quick enough, Shawn had caught up with him.

"What was that?"

Randy shut his eyes tightly. He was so mad, so sad and heartbroken…so everything, he just couldn't handle Shawn right then. The elevator dinged and Randy stepped in, Shawn right behind him.

"I'm talking to you. You can't just freeze like that. If you want him, you seriously have to fight for him. No joke. There are so many things going against you two, but there's one thing that's for it, and that's the most important. Whether you see it or not, you love each other."

"Stop preaching and give me something useful!" Randy cried out in frustration.

"Show him what he's missing," Shawn said simply.

Randy blinked. That could work.

"Before it works," Shawn began reading his mind, "you have to get one thing straight. You will not be able to get through this or win him back by bringing him on that emotional roller coaster ride you can't seem to get off of. You need to set your head straight. You want him back, you go for it. You don't go crying because you see Elizabeth and him together. The excitement they have right now? It'll wear off in 2 days, so just relax, make a plan and go with it, alright?"

Before Shawn knew it, Randy wrapped him up in a hug.

Shawn laughed feeling his air slowly being squeezed out of him. "Thanks man," was all that was needed to be said.


	33. Tease

The hour seemed to go by so quickly and I found myself waiting downstairs for the rest of the guys to show. I glanced at Elizabeth who was sitting beside me reading the new Vogue magazine. Man, I couldn't be more bored. I looked up in time to see the elevator doors open.

My jaw nearly dropped to the ground.

I felt my heart speed up to that familiar pulsing beat.

That couldn't be Randy.

Holy fuck it couldn't be Randy.

I couldn't help myself as my eyes trailed down his body. My God. He was gorgeous. I felt myself getting hard and adjusted my pants. I tried to look away, peel my eyes from the sight, but it was no use, I was staring.

"Hey guys," Randy smiled. Oh my God. That smile. He was doing it again. He sat down right next to me I could feel his breath on my neck. His sent was intoxicating. His hair was wet and spiked and you could tell he just got out of the shower.

Elizabeth glanced up from her magazine. I felt like I'd been caught. "Hey Randy,"

"Where's everyone else?"

"Late," she replied simply, smiling. Why wasn't her smile affecting me? It was affecting 3 minutes ago!

I tried to will my eyes not to look over Randy again, but I couldn't. I felt my entire body fight against me as I checked him out. What the hell was wrong with me? Why didn't I see pain when I looked at Randy? Something I couldn't have? Didn't want? Why was he affecting me now?

"Paul?"

"I know!" She laughed. Randy laughed with her. I was so tense I didn't think I could move.

The doors opened again and Shawn sauntered out and made his way towards us. I breathed a sigh of relief, he'd help me forget.

"What's up?" I saw him almost do a double take on Randy too. So it wasn't just me. But Shawn looked like he was about to bust up laughing. Not quite the same reaction….

"We just noticed that we're here before Paul!" Randy smiled. At that moment I didn't even see what attracted me to Elizabeth in the first place. I didn't see what got me so distracted. It was Randy. It was always Randy.

_But what about a family_, a voice in the back of my head kept whispering to me. My stomach clenched. I needed to get out of there. Randy rubbed against me as he got comfortable and I whimpered. My head began to spin, "I-I have to use the washroom," I mumbled, hopefully it was audible.

Elizabeth looked up from her magazine, "honey, are you okay?"

I cringed at 'honey'. "I'm fine." I made my way to the bathroom right before I heard Shawn burst out laughing. Randy must have said something funny.

I leaned over the counter and fought to regain my composure. I splashed cold water on my face and walked over to the paper towels. I heard the door open and Randy walk in. I wanted to move, but I was frozen in my spot. Just go away, please Randy. After he was done he washed his hands beside me. I watched him dumbly, but he paid no attention. Not until he leaned to get a paper towel.

He leaned into me, my head began to spin again, and I felt my knees get weak. Literally. I grabbed the counter for support. My palms began to sweat and just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore he was at the garbage tossing the paper towel inside.

"Come on Cena," his voice actually sent shivers up my spine. And with that, he left.

How was it less than twenty-four hours ago his voice couldn't do that to me? It was Elizabeth's. Although…before Elizabeth came into the picture it was Randy. Everything was so confusing. I couldn't think straight and I had a ragging hard on I'd have to deal with all during rehearsals. We have a show tonight, and I just have absolutely no idea how I'm going to deal with this.


	34. HORNY!

HEY GUYS! SORRY I'm SO SORRY! I HAVE BEEN SICK! VERY SICK! I'm updating this today! Still got a bad cough going so this will be theonly chapter I'm doing.. Also Be sure to read Final Destination a new Fic I'm writing with ADA15. I' mwriting chapter 2 and also will be updated tommrow!

"Shawn I can't deal with this," I grabbed him before we took our places on stage. I was getting desperate. Nick was doing something to me, and I couldn't stop it. I even had to fucking watch him change.

"With what?" I could see a smirk in Shawn face.

"Randy! I'm with Elizabeth now, I want to be with Elizabeth,"

"Then you have nothing to worry about,"

This seemed like complete déjà vu, but the other way around.

"You don't understand…"

"Then explain it to me," Shawn peered at me through his sunglasses.

"I-" We were interrupted by the rest of the crew who were taking their positions and barking orders around. I was kinda glad that we were interrupted, I didn't exactly know what I was going to say.

He smiled sympathetically and got into his position. Fuck. Here goes nothing.

All I have to do is concentrate on my breathing.

In.

Out.

In.

Out…fuck. Maybe not the best thing to be thinking about at the moment.

Okay, at first I didn't think anything of it. You know, like I was just noticing him more. But now, it can't be my overactive imagination. He's doing it on purpose. He's trying to affect me. He is. I know it. And part of me is so excited, my stomach's doing summersaults at the possibility he wants me, but they other part of me is feels like its gonna fucking pound him. He put me through so much.

I glanced over at him.

He was doing his usual thrusting. I swallowed hard and looked away. But the few days I was with him were bliss.

I looked out over the audience, trying to spot Elizabeth in the front. She was there, smiling and dancing. I smiled back at her. She was adorable.

Shawn caught my eye and I watched as Randy whispered something to Shawn. My stomach clenched tighter. What the fuck was that?

Shawn laughed and hit Randy playfully on the shoulder. My blood began to boil. Was I jealous? I blinked. Oh my God, I was jealous. But what the fuck is he doing with him? Is he telling Randy what I said?

I forced my eyes to focus on Elizabeth, which relaxed me slightly. But I tensed when she blew a kiss to me.

Suddenly, everything became so clear. So stupidly clear. I hate life. I hate this. I will always love Randy, but I belong with Elizabeth. That's it. That's all there is to it. She's right for me. No matter what anyone says. She's the one I'm going to marry. You know, with the white picket fence and the two beautiful children, with the family friends and the pool barbecues. Everyone around her is looking at her in awe. It's true. We are seriously gonna have to be meant to be.

Randy had someone else.

I closed my eyes, as the lights when out and we ran to change.

The thought killed me. Why was it he wasn't okay with me, but he could be okay with Shawn? He had a problem with being gay…bi…having feelings for another guy, not because of me, right?

Fuck this shit. I needed to find Elizabeth.


	35. UPDATE!

Hey Yall… Giving you a update on everything. Some of you already know I have been dealing with some personal issues in my life, and other things as well. But I am back on here. I will be updating more often or try to. I did find a job! been working harder than ever. So starting tommrow I will be updating Out Of Reach. And I have more stories on the way.. THANK YOU FOR BEING SO PATIENT! YALL ROCK!

So for now.. IF yall would like if you have a twitter you can follow me cenatonkotbsb! I give updates on how I am doing and what I am doing.


	36. Hiding Finding Feeling

Well didn't I tell you there would be a update! ;) It will be short. Sorry! But I'm trying! So here goes nothing. Chapter 36

I ran around the whole arena to find Elizabeth I needed her now. Randy was not helping this situation at all. He was, wait he was trying to make me jealous. "That sick bastard", He whispered turning around going face to face with none other than Randy Orton. He was standing there arms crossed with that wicked smile on his face. "What the hell are you smiling about", John asked him crossing his arms as well. "Why are you running away from me", he asked. John looked side to side. " I wasn't running away from you", he whispered. Randy just nodded his head and looked at him. "So where is Lizzie", he asked. "Don't call her that I can only", John seethed.

"Lizzie", Randy said again. John knew what he was doing he was trying to get under his skin and it was working. Why did he have to love this man? "Stop it", John said. "L-i-zzie" Randy pushed John into the closet nearby. John felt Randy's breath as he whispered something into his ear. "Tell me you still want me", Randy held him. John couldn't breathe. This man was doing this to him. Randy licked on his ear down his neck. He started laying kisses after lifting his shirt down to his belly button. John let out a soft moan. This was not happening. "God Damn that man gives good kisses", he let out another moan.

Randy came up and looked straight into his eyes. Those damn eyes they weren't even devilish like they always were, they were soft looking he had a feelings. "Randy ple" he was interrupted when Randy's lips hit his. John wrapped his arms around Randy's neck and brought him in closer. Yep this is who he wants. Randy, Randy, Randy, SHIT LIZ. John pushed Randy back and ran out of the closet out of the arena and to the bus. He thought Randy would run after him but no. "Baby are you okay", Elizabeth came up to John who was breathing heavily looking behind him.

He just nodded his head and hugged Liz tightly. At the corner of his eye there stood Randy head down and all. He loved Randy he really did, he loved Liz. He sat down on the bench and put his head in his hands. He wanted kids someday, the only person to do that with was Elizabeth, but with Randy he could adopt, he had no idea what to do. He was so confused. He could still feel Randy's lips on his. John just nodded his head as his wife talked to him.

He stared back and looked up and didn't see Randy there. He upset him; of course he threw him out and went to look for his girlfriend. "I love you Orton", he thought. Now all he had to was to get rid of this chick and stand up to his brother HHH. How the hell was he going to do that?

TOLD YALL IT WAS A SHORT CHAPTER! ENJOY AND PLEASE REVIEW!


	37. fantasy becomes Reality

**Well who knew people were actually still reading this. I feel very special. Even have some new readers! ;) Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. Okay do you guys want to the bad news first or the good news? I'll do good. I'm updating today! Yayy! And for the rest of the time. Bad news I'm fighting a horrible infection that has come back after a year! If you guys want to know what it is just PM me or something like that. But as for now I will update the best I can! ;)**

I sat on the bus waiting for the show to start, Elizabeth was giving me kisses down my shoulder trying to calm me down and help me relax but all I kept thinking about was Randy molesting me in that closet. "Randy", I accidentally blurted out. Liz looked at me with confusion, I just moaned the wrong name, I'm about to be punched. "Johnny are you okay", she asked. Only one person ever called me Johnny and it was him. That man has me hooked. But what if Paul found out?

Elizabeth rolled back on the bunk bed and I lied down next to her, maybe sex was good with her but Randy's was just pure bliss. I felt her hand as it reached the bottom of my balls as she groped it. I pretended it was Randy closing my eyes breathing a heavy sigh.

"That's it baby Relax", she whispered.

I pictured Randy again. It seemed real, I opened my eyes and there he was right near my thighs. I grabbed him and pulled him up kissing him. This was my fantasy, and I was going to live it. He started kissing me as our tongues connected together and he kissed my chin then my neck. I moaned that man knew my weak spot like no other.

"Shit, Randy", I whispered.

He licked me around my hard nipple like a toy all over. He then licked me down to my belly button as he got to my thigh. He started laying kisses all the way down then he got in between. I looked at him. He was going to. "Shit", I cursed under my breath as he put his mouth on my hard dick. "Fuck", I moaned in pleasure as Randy bobbed his head up and down for me. That man knew how to give some good head. He came up for air and looked at me with his eyes. "I want you to cum for me Johnny", he wrapped his big hands around my wet and juicy cock and I smashed my head against the pillow in pleasure.

"Shit Fuck", I screamed into the pillow.

He then went back down and wrapped his mouth and worked the hole like no other. The tongue swirling and he spit on it and starting sucking down further sticking it down his throat as he gagged a bit. He didn't stop though. "God Dammit Orton", I screamed. I was about to hit it. Everything was going to explode. He looked into my eyes bobbing his head and finally I exploded into his mouth every single drop going down this throat. I watched him swallow and he came up kissing me as I tasted my own seed.

"Fuck me Cena", he turned around getting on all fours.

Usually my fantasy was for me to be on bottom But I wasn't saying anything I just got up on both knees and started at his ass right in my face. Golden brown I slapped that ass like no other. I needed to fine some lube anything. "Fuck", I cursed. "What's wrong", Randy asked turning his head. "Nothing my sweet nothing", I finally located some cream on the TV, it wasn't lube but it would do. I reached over and squirted some onto my finger. I looked at him he was ready for me.

"Are you sure", I asked.

He just nodded his head. I stuck my finger in and he put his head down in pleasure.

I moved my finger in and out trying to open him up to get ready for this cock of mine. I stuck another finger and worked around the corners. "Oh god Yes Cena, This is what I've been waiting for", I heard him say. I smiled coming out and slapping his ass. I put both of my hands on both sides of his buttocks and entered slowly. I started moving in and out so I wouldn't hurt him. He had his head down moaning and groaning. "Am I hurting you", I asked. He shook his head still in the pillow.

Sweat was coming down my forehead onto his oil body. I let my other hand free and grabbed his balls and started massaging it with my hand. This was awesome. Who knew fucking a man would be so? Oh wait this is my fantasy. I was going in and out in out pounding the anal core of Randy's hole. I was tearing up apart. He kept screaming faster and faster and every time he screamed I pounded. This was what I fucking wanted. I was fucking hard. This man was making me horny.

"Fuck this", I threw Liz off me and left the bus.

"Where is he Shawn", I asked him.

"Uh um well first will you put some pants on", Shawn said looking down. I was naked. I blushed as I ran back in the bus and put on some gym shorts not explaining to Elizabeth where I was going. "Okay He's with Paul, he's talking to him about tonight go ahead", Shawn said. I ran inside the arena looking every corner every inch of the place to find that man. There he stood right where Shawn said. Pure perfection. I was getting hard just looking at him. He saw me standing there and smiled.

I saw him excuse himself and walk towards the back; I looked around and then followed him. I entered where he went and didn't see him. "Randy", I whispered. All of a sudden I felt two arms wrap around my waist and someone whispering in my ear. "I knew you would come back", he whispered. I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck kissing him without anything. This is who I wanted, This, This; All of a sudden someone opened the door.

"JOHN", Elizabeth screamed.


	38. Tragedy

A/N: WELL HELLO REVIEWERS... as you can see i have been promising my updates alot sooner but things have been going on like hell and i couldn't do it anymore. I took some mroe time off! :( but this summer will be back i will have my laptop working my life will be calmer and everything else and other stories will be up as well.

NOW ONTO OUT OF REACH!

"John", Liz screamed. John and Randy turned around and was met with Liz on the outside of the closet door. "Shit", he cursed. Randy just smiled evilly. This was his plan all along, he was going to get John back now. "What the hell are you doing", she screamed. By now all of the staff and wwe superstars even Vince Mcmahon came. "Move, Move what the hell is going on in here", Vince yelled looking at the two men in front of him.

The two men had thier heads down and didn't know what to say to thier boss in front of them. "They were kissing, they were making out in there", Liz said picking up her hand to slap Cena but Randy stopped her. "Dont you dare Elizabeth I love this man and you will not and i mean not lay a hand on this man", he said in her face. She looked into his eyes and feared of what he'll do next. "Randy stop man she isn't worth it", John said. "I want to know what the hell is going on now", HHH moved everyone out of the way got up close.

"Let me guess Liz caught you two kissing and now everyone knows", Shawn said. Both nodded their heads. "Excuse me", HHH said. "Yes Paul I have been going behind your back I was in love with Randy and still am, I couldn't bear to be with Liz I did it on behalf of you", he said. "Are you fucking kidding me", Liz screamed throwing her hands in the air. "I'm not kidding you Lizzie", he said. She shook her head in shame. "You loved me dammit you even said it yourself", she screamed in his face. "I was in love with you, I kept thinking about Randy, everytime we had sex I fantasized Randy, everytime you said my name I thought Randy", he said. Randy smiled at him.

"I fell in love with him", Randy said grabbing his hand. Vince looked at the two men in front of him then at Liz then at HHH, Shawn and Cody. "Everyone in my office now", He screamed pointing to the door. Everyone walked towards the office and John looked behind him and noticed his brother lecturing Shawn. "Stop it Paul, he was the one who convinced us just leave it", he said. Randy nodded his head. "Well I am appauled at you two right now I can't believe you", Liz said tears in her eyes.

"Lizzie don't cry I'm sorry okay, This was all a lie I didn't know what I was doing", he said. They walked into his office and all sat down. "Now I want from the beginning", Mr. Mcmahon replied. John and Randy both started talking at the same time and Vince hushed him. "John", Vince told him to begin. John told the story from the top, from taking control of Randy from nearly raping him, for falling in love with him everything.

"Randy", Vince pointed. Randy as well did the same saying he almost hated John for doing what he did but he thought it was a joke due to him being in love with him also. Then in came Shawn who knew all along the two were in love and didn't say anything to anyone even his bestfriend Paul. Paul was appauled by all of this, he couldn't believe this. "Well I am for one happy because it's about damn time", Cody said clapping his hands. "Not the right time Runnels", Randy whispered. "Sorry", he mumbled.

"I don't get it", Paul whispered. "I do, he is a faggot he did it because he was ashamed ot be your brother, that you would hate him so he did it and used me", Liz stood up. "Sit down", Vince said. She shook her head. "I'm not sitting down I'm so pissed off it isnt' even funny anymore", she said. "Calm down woman it's not like yall were married plus yall weren't even close to being together", Randy said. "He said he loved me", she whined. "Quit your whining sweetie it's over", Randy said.

John just nodded his head and looked at his brother. "I'm sorry Paul but all of this true, I do love Randy and i have for a long time and now you know I am sorry", he said putting his head down. Paul went up to his brother and picked him and hugged him. "I'm sorry bro I didn't now I apologize man", he said. John just hugged him and tried not to cry but tears fell down his eyes. Randy smiled at the two men. Paul then looked at Randy and glared. "You", Paul went up to him. "Shit", he cursed putting his down.

Before he knew it Paul was hugging him and squeezing the life out of him. "You take care of him you understand", he whispered. " I have for 13 years Paul", he let go shaking his hand. "I don't believe any of you", Liz said. "Oh for fucking sakes ELIZABETH will you sit the fuck down", Vince yelled. Everyone looked at thier boss and just stared at this outburst. Usually that was on tv not in real life. "I'm not calming down", she went into her purse.

"What are you", Randy froze at the site of a gun. John looked at Liz eyes open wide. Vince was ready to pull up the phone but Liz automatically shot him. He fell over holding his shoulder. "Shit", Paul slowly moved over to his father in law and applied pressure to the wound. "Liz, put the gun down", John said. She shook her head. Cody froze in place he didn't know what to do. Shawn just looked at everyone and was scared.

"You hurt me John", she cried. "Elizabeth I told you I was sorry, you have to understand I'm not the only person in this world, there are plenty of people that will care for you, I love you Liz but not in a way you want me to, we used to be one but i can't", he said moving closer to her. "No", she screamed pointing the gun at Randy who froze. "Liz don't", John whispered. "He is the reason I can't have you, I'll kill him first then I'll kill you", she smiled evilly pulling the lock.

"Liz, don't put the gun down", John said. She shook her head. Randy went to move closer to John and then moved behind Elizabeth and threw her off balance and started to fight for her with the gun. "Give me the gun dammit", Randy screamed. She didn't let go. "Goodbye Randy", she pulled the trigger and he fell over holding his chest. "RANDY", John screamed running to him. Elizabeth got up and pointed the gun at John. "Goodbye Cena", she pulled the trigger and all John remembered was being pulled back and falling into a dark sleep of mind.


End file.
